Hey girl. What gives? I saw you on the Main Green last week during that is-it-too-good-to-be-true-yes-it-is warm day. You were hanging with your friends, rocking Birkenstocks and a t-shirt that gave total 90s vibes, and oh yea:
You had a fricken stallion of a dog.
This was no casual pup on a leash. I could immediately tell from the size of its paws and the flow of its fur in the wind that this dog was not just a fling, but a life decision. A here’s-my-ten-to-thirteen-year-plan kind of decision. A yes-to-motherhood kind of choice.
You walk around campus with a flashing sign that screams commitment, because face it, your dog is huge. I mean… Give this dog a dramatic training montage and it could be the next Seabiscuit, from the iconic 2003 film Seabiscuit, or Flicka, from the earth-shattering 2006 film Flicka. (There is a definite trend with these horse films). I’m confident that if you mixed some whey protein powder into your dog’s water bowl, it would guarantee you a movie of your own. The film would be about a 21-year-old girl balancing a life of friends, schoolwork, and parties, all while caring for a dog the size of a Shetland pony. I’d call it, Clifford Goes To College.
I’m not looking to shame this dog’s owner. (Wherever you may be, you’re an inspiration to us all). I wish I had a dog that beautiful, but RIDDLE ME THIS, mystery lady: How do you, a full-time student, take your pet, a full-size dog, back to your humble, student-sized abode, and a) not trip over it or b) get any work done when you have a flippin’ dog in your room???
If I had a horse-dog in my room, I’d feed it grapes and make it pose for Instagram. Just kidding, we’d watch The Office and I’d feed it bacon because yea I actually do know grapes are poisonous to dogs. Meanwhile, I would have forgotten about all midterms, failed my classes, and been kicked out of Brown. So yea, I just can’t have a dog.
But we can all “have” your dog.
You see, full-time-student-with-a-full-size-dog, I may not understand how or why you lead the life that you do, but I want to say thank you. Your Seabiscuit/Flicka/Shetland-pony-of-a-dog brings so much joy to my life. I deeply admire your ability to care for an animal other than yourself. Just know, if you ever need someone to not feed your dog grapes, I’m your girl.
Image via.
