This International Women’s Day, Rachel Powell decided to take female appreciation a liiiiiiiiittle further than normal.
“My girls have been there for me through it all,” said Powell. “Freshman year, depression, that time I accidentally had sex with ⅔ of the men’s rugby team. So I thought, hey, it’s time for me to return the favor the best way I know how: by fingerblasting them into oblivion.”
It was an intimate celebration. Powell invited 23 of her closest friends to her off-campus apartment for what they seemed to think was a typical Wednesday night hang.
“When she gathered all of us together, we thought it was gonna be, like, a wine night, or that she made us dessert or something,” said Jennifer Tao, Powell’s housemate. “But I’ll take an orgasm over a cookie any day.”
“You know, Rachel has always been so generous,” said Amira Nelson, another attendee. “Always letting me borrow her headphones or host sorority mixers in her space.” She blushed. “This was a tooooootally new level.”
“I’m just so tired of women thinking they aren’t enough and having to live in the shadow of these mediocre guys. The lack of female appreciation is its own pandemic. And I feel honored to be on the front lines of fighting it,” said Powell.
Next year, Powell is thinking even bigger. “I’m already in talks to host a community-wide event in partnership with Brown Medical School. That way, if anyone cums too hard, which they will,” Powell said, winking at the interviewer, “there’ll be medical professionals on-site to offer support.”
In the meantime, you can find Powell planning for St. Patrick’s Day as she considers how to help her Irish friends get lucky.
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