Emma Ashraf ’21 has spent such an obscene amount of time on her latest paper, that the educational software Canvas has declared her dead.
Ashraf, a senior in the CompLit department, has been reportedly struggling to keep up with the workload of her seminar COLT XÆA-12: Synth-Pop and Spaceships– a Love Story. “I would love to be able to submit that paper…” Ashraf lamented, unsheathing a new sleeve of double stuf oreos, “But, these are unprecedented times! They’ve never been preceded, not even once. Let’s touch base in a week, k?”
Her Professor, Dr. Adrian Focaccia, is finding it harder to empathise. “It’s not even a paper! Christ!” He was reported to say, “It’s a reflection from the first week’s reading. Week One.” Dr. Focaccia then proceeded to mutter ‘five hundred words’ over and over until his laptop ran out of charge.
The change in status was made known to Ashraf when she tried to click into a discussion section, only to be met with a passive-aggressive pop-up reading, ‘Sorry! Looks like you’re dead <3′. Oh Canvas, you slippery bitch. A couple weeks overdue, and already, the most unforgiving software on the market has killed her off faster than POC in a horror film. After all of this, it did not surprise Ashraf when she received a notification that her dashboard now read ‘In Memoriam‘.
Image via. Zara Norman