A couple of weeks ago, I found myself standing in an old familiar land I hadn’t stepped foot in for quite some time.
The buttery smell of dear old Auntie Anne’s. The heart-warming cries of teenyboppers begging their mothers to buy them that cute neon shirt at Hot Topic. Ah, the Providence Place Mall holds a special place in my cold heart.
And to what special occasion did I owe the pleasure of visiting this fine establishment? Why, none other than to accompany my friend to the infamous Genius Bar to fix his iPhone. I was called upon for moral support to trek out to the Apple Store on this fateful Saturday afternoon.
Immediately upon stepping into this particular store, I was reminded of the last time I had been there.
In an unfortunate string of events, I had spilled roughly a tablespoon of water on my baby Macbook and then attempted to undo my actions by unleashing my hairdryer on it. As it turns out, that turned the computer from semi-functional to barely functional.
I consulted the geniuses at the Providence Mall Apple store and was told that it would $850 to fix it.
Yeah, $850.
Do you know what I could do with that kind of money? Spend a night in a lavish hotel in Greece, five course meal and all! Or perhaps install an edgy exposed brick wall in my bedroom!
No, I was not going to pay $850 for my stupid mistake.
I stubbornly went without using my deadbeat laptop for the rest of the semester and ended up getting it fixed in New York for $100.
Damn, Apple, you are expensive.
So why is it that we can’t resist worshipping them and everything they make?
Well, here’s the thing. Their products are just so pretty. So sleek, so thin.
So yeah, I’ll fork over my savings to buy an iPhone even though an Android screen definitely wouldn’t crack when I drop it three feet onto my kitchen floor.
Changing the charger design for absolutely no reason at all except to make us spend more money buying new $80 chargers? Sure, we’ll take it.
Conveniently placed near the Genius Bar is a diverse group of children (all races represented suspiciously equally) sitting around a table playing with iPads. We all know they’re paid actors to promote how “Apple is for everyone,” but none of us say it out loud. Instead, we’ll coo over how “cute and progressive” kids are these days.
As Genius Rupert examines my friend’s phone and makes friendly small talk, I have an epiphany.
Apple is slowly brainwashing every human being alive, and will one day rule the entirety of this world. All of us would literally buy into anything that Apple presents to us.
But as long as that world contains minimalist interfaces with aesthetically pleasing color schemes, I think we’re all kind of okay with it.
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