Why is the Internet Obsessed with Disney Princesses?

Even if we no longer want to be princesses, we still seem to really like thinking about them. Whenever Buzzfeed (or, let’s face it, The Rib) comes out with another article about Disney princesses reimagined in random and useless ways, we always click—and it’s never really worth it. Let’s analyze:

Photo realistic Disney princesses and Disney princes
Ok, I get it. You have some unresolved confusion about your sexual feelings towards some of these characters, dating back to the first time you saw Aladdin’s scantily clad torso. Seeing photo realistic drawings of them makes your attraction a little less unsettling. But what about all the other cartoons you were attracted to? If you don’t let yourself accept that some cartoons are legitimately crushworthy, you’ll always feel weird about your things for Kim Possible and Danny Phantom. And then there’s your crush on Simba. If you want a realistic rendering there, just Google image lions. That’s right, it won’t make any of this more ok.

Disney princesses reimagined as _________________________

Disney princesses come from Disney movies. Disney movies are usually a little over an hour long. That means the princesses have finite storylines. But that’s ok, because we don’t really care about the storylines as much as we care about each princess’ iconic image. In fact, when the storylines themselves are delved into, more than a few of the princesses sort of suck (*ahem* Ariel, Belle, etc). So you take these well known characters, push aside the storylines no one cared about anyway, and plop their image into whatever new situation you want them in. This can be as mundane as imaging them as one another or as radical as imagining them as sponges. Consider for a moment the fact that the author of the sponge article didn’t just choose random sponges, but actually found sponge images that evoked a sense of each princess. I said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s an obsession.

If Disney princesses had realistic ___________________________

The Disney princesses are impossibly beautiful. Their proportions are ridiculous, their hair and makeup is always perfect, and their overall aesthetic is always tight. There’s no question that it’s good to think about how this affects the young girls that idolize them. But recreating them with a specific trait made more realistic really doesn’t address the problem at all, because they always stay unattainably hot. Princesses with realistic waistlines are still extremely slim, and none of their other perfect traits are altered. Princesses with realistic hair or realistic makeup still look the same in every other way. Which is to say…

This obsession really isn’t helping the world move forward. We’re too old for this. Let’s take a page out of Elsa’s book and Let it Go.                         (sorry sorry so sorry)

Image via.