Dream with me, reader. You’re walking down the street. You’re aglow. You’re ready to deposit that week’s sweet, sweet campus job minimum-wage moola into your checking account. You walk up the steps to your local bank. It’s a Brutalist block. Or, worse, it’s just an app on your phone! Are you not sad? Would you not be happier if, perhaps, your bank was in the shape of a beloved, besnouted farm animal??!!!! Maybe named Wilbur. Or Snowball, depending on your literary inclinations.
Below find my reasons why I believe we should replace banks of all sizes with ones of the piggy variety. Cuz if we’re not gonna address wealth gaps, we might as well address a lack of whimsy.
- Tradition.
Since time immemorial, humanity has longed to house its money in pig-shaped containers. I direct your attention, for instance, to the collection of hollow 14th-century terracotta pigs in the collection of the Museum of Indonesia. Who are the architects of today, I ask you, to spit in the face of history?
- Confidence.
I have never felt as Cool (™) as I did as an elementary schooler buying a neon turquoise piggy bank from Justice: Just For Girls to sit on my dresser. I feel it’s only right we as adults get to share in a similar feeling each tax season. Given that Justice filed for bankruptcy in 2020—because, I presume, it was not keeping its profits in the appropriate vessel—we have no choice but to take matters into our own hands. (RIP Justice, I miss you.)
- Satisfaction.
Like Lucy from Peanuts, I too love the “beautiful sound of plunking nickels.” Where can the nickels plunk in Venmo???
- For the sake of The Children.
It has come to my attention that when you search “piggy bank” today, one of the first results on Google is for an “Electronic Coin Money Bank for Kids.” As the title suggests, this is just a miniature ATM. It was, apparently, a “hot gift” this past holiday season. Picture it: come Christmas morning, you unwrap your present to reveal what is, essentially, a box with a battery-powered keypad…when you COULD’VE had a charming ceramic figure modeled after one of this planet’s most majestic, intelligent animals! I shiver at the thought.
- For the sake of my savings.
In many piggy banks, once you deposit your money, you can’t get it back unless you smash the bank open. I imagine this would take me very long to successfully do, as I think they have such sweet faces. Maybe if my bank had a cute lil’ curly tail I’d only buy polyester sweaters from H&M rather than more expensive, still polyester sweaters from & Other Stories. A win!
…or maybe I would just never deposit money, who knows.