Welcome back from summer break, y’all! Hope you’re really feelin’ all the back-to-school vibes forced upon you by colorful Target commercials and CVS BOGO sales. For some, 2016-2017 could be the year we finally figure out our concentration or how the Nelson works. Or maybe this year will be a total 180–whether that means a semester abroad, or switching to one a day contacts. For a select few, this will be the year of the first spicy withs or the last spicy withs. But what we all have in common, regardless of where we are in our collegiate lives, is baggage. Travel baggage, that is.
Specifically, carry ons.
I know not everyone takes airplanes to get to campus, but if you’ve ever been on an airplane, you can relate to one fundamental occurrence: judging others based on what they take with them on a plane.
For example, say you are traveling from Tiny Town, Texas to San Francisco, California, like I did this summer. Say you had a guitar with you, not because you know how to play it–as a matter of fact, you are really bad at playing guitar–but because you want to learn. Nobody will assume you don’t play guitar. Actually, some people will literally tell you how cool it is that you are trying to move to California to “play music and try and make it.” (Even though you never even said that? And yes, people really did tell me that.) And absolutely no one will question you when the deadpan response to the question “where are you going with that guitar” is “Camp Rock.”
When you take your guitar from San Francisco, California to Hong Kong, on the other hand, people will assume you “just can’t live without your music.” Damn those American hippies, the Hong Kong passengers will say. The flight attendant will ask you if you want to play a song or two once you reach cruising altitude. You say “sure”, but you pretend to be asleep every time he comes back, just in case he was serious. What a mistake it was to bring a guitar on a plane. Also, what a hassle with TSA.
And these crazy presumptions kind of make sense. We, as humans, always make assumptions, right? I mean we all know stereotypes are just that. I think that what we really need to do in the times of Drumpf, as a human community, is to just stop all of this judgment. So, here’s what your carry on really says about you:
- A pair of skis – This guy is just kind of an asshole. Just rent a pair, like the rest of the peasants.
- Tennis racquet – See above.
- Baby things – This is probably a poor parent who is probably really tired. Kind of an asshole. Babies shouldn’t go on planes or to movie theaters; come on, over-exhausted human, we know this as a society now.
- Camera or film equipment – This is either a YouTuber (bonus points for a makeup guru) or a Woody Allen wannabe. In any case, an asshole.
- Fancy tote – A rich person who owns a Kindle. Asshole.
- Backpacker backpack – Like one of those big ones you use to hike Colorado or some shit. This person is probably an enlightened vegan now. (Asshole.)
- An actual carry-on with practical things you don’t want to check in a bag – Oh big whoop. What, are you like a responsible adult or something, you asshole?
So remember to not make wild assumptions this new school year, everyone!
Image via.
