The other afternoon, in preparing to leave for dinner, my wonderfully insightful roommate enlightened me with an interesting dilemma: what is appropriate wear to a dining hall?
Talk about a real strug.
Some questions we’re all asking ourselves: Where exactly do dining halls fall between a public space and my personal kitchen? How strict are dress regulations when occupying these spaces? What are considered “real” pants? Can socks suffice for footwear? Do I actually need to shower?
Hopefully I can guide you through this confusing and difficult time. If the very legitimate concerns of my roommate resonate with you, and similarly find yourself forced to dining-hall-dive out of sheer desperation (i.e. you are a freshman, a lazy senior, or a member of a sports team), here are some important smidgens of advice to keep handy:
If you have places to go and people to see — You should probably plan your outfit the night before if you want to ensure style quality. Make sure your ponytail is sleek and flawless and that you bring your lipstick with you. No one at your Vogue editor’s meeting can know that you chose to use a meal credit at Andrews instead of stopping by Red Stripe to get duck confit to go. You are sure to emanate superiority and poise as you suavely circle the cafeteria in search of something remotely edible to fill your insatiable appetite for the gourmet.
If you have not seen light in over sixteen hours — Just throw that rat’s nest of a do up into a messy bun, put on some pants, and maybe swipe on some concealer to minimize those sandbags under your eyes so you look a bit less un-dead. Don’t worry about a bra, if you leave on your XXL Brown Christmas sweater no one will ever know. We all understand that you regret taking five courses and can’t afford to get out and live your life or to look halfway decent doing it.
If you plan on doing the Ratty challenge — Whatever you sleep in is fine. You’re practically moving in anyway…might as well get comfortable.
If you are trying not to be seen — You need them dark shades and a humongous black hoodie with matching sweatpants. Ideally, your entire outfit is black and completely non-descript. Stay away from your favorite neon tee, or that plaid scarf you always wear. Too risky. You should probably brush up on your invisibility skills because it’s impossible to go unnoticed in the wide open spaces of dining hall landscapes.
If you are trying to be seen — You will definitely need a pair of sexy heels. And while your at it, get your hair blown out, and drop in H&M a couple days before to pick up that knock-out, leather and lace ensemble. He won’t be able to help noticing you. You two will sit down together at a sticky table with the same odd salad concoction and start planning your beautiful Ratty wedding.
If you are a football player — The only pre-requisites are head to toe Brown athletic wear and ambiguously wet hair. Because you gatta keep ’em guessing 😉
If you are just plain hungry — Skip it all and hit up Chipotle. Just remember: no shirt, no shoes, no service.
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