Despite priding myself on having a pretty good handle on life as a first-year in Brunonia (I’ve never been late to any of my small classes! I haven’t ever dropped my plate of food at the Ratty! The printers have been, for the most part, working pretty well for me!), there is one element that still manages to give me anxiety every time it arises.
Facebook Friend Requests from Upperclassmen.
For those of you who’ve blocked out never experienced this truly unique and simultaneously confusing, confidence-boosting, and nerve-wrenching feeling, l’ve taken the liberty of breaking down every single stage involved in this process.
Picture this: You’re a first-year. Maybe sitting in front of your laptop at the uncomfortable desk in your dorm room, or scrolling on your phone in the Ratty so you don’t feel awkward about eating alone, when suddenly, you notice a little red rectangle with a white number 1 next to the light blue friend icon at the top of your Facebook dashboard.
Not thinking too much of it (that kid from high school who never got a Facebook must’ve finally gotten one!), you click on the icon. Suddenly, you realize that the name isn’t someone from your home town. You click on the name. After a few seconds of Facebook-stalking, you finally make the connection.
It’s an upperclassman.
The subsequent record lists the chronological stages that follow this moment from beginning to end:
Stage One: Initial Confusion
First-Year: I have a friend request? From who? … Oh my…wait, what? That’s the guy from my English class! That’s so weird… Is this a mistake? How does he even know me? Well, I guess we’ve sat next to each other a couple times and complained about Paradise Lost… Still, so crazy…
Stage Two: The Confidence Boost
First Year: HOLY CRAP. I just got a friend request from a senior. A freaking senior!!! Someone in this academically prestigious and impeccably dressed Ivy League institution has deemed me worthy of their already incredibly long Facebook friend list! Take that, ex-boyfriend! “Super cool and attractive senior from my English class” wants to see the embarrassing shit witty and interesting things I share on my timeline!
Stage Three: Fear
First Year: Alright, calm down. You don’t want to seem to eager. It’s like the text message thing. You’re supposed to wait an hour to reply. Or is it a day? I’ll wait a day. But what if he thinks I’m rude for ignoring it? What if he rescinds the request? What if he forgets who I am?
Stage Four: Concern
First Year: Wait…do I actually want him to have access to all those Photo Booth screenshots I took in sixth grade? Maybe they’re not that bad… *looks through old photos* OH GOD, they’re hideous. But maybe they’re far back enough… I should warn Jessi not to post anything embarrassing on my wall for the next few weeks. Or ever again.
Stage Five: Determination
First-Year: You know what? I’m smart, I’m confident, I have a profile picture that is just the perfect balance between funny, casual, cute, and genuine. Any person would be lucky to have me as their Facebook friend. I’ve totally got this. Hell yeah! *clicks CONFIRM*
Stage Six: The Aftermath
First-Year: MOTHER, WHY DID YOU DECIDE TODAY OF ALL DAYS TO POST A #TBT OF ME DURING MY AWKWARD MIDDLE SCHOOL BRACES AND BANGS DAYS?!?!?!?
