By now, I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of “dad bod.” Perhaps you saw it mentioned in a Tinder bio, or read an article about it, or dreamt of it and thought, “Surely that was just a nightmare!” In case you haven’t heard, dad bod is a term used to describe a man with a soft, un-toned physique. In the words of one UrbanDictionary poster, it is a “guy who has kids and was once in shape and still has guns that can crush beer cans but also with a belly that says I drank those beers and I can eat 6 slices of pizza in one seating.[a major sic from my editors]”
Don’t get me wrong– my problem is not with abless men who take pride in their bellies. But I just have one question: What about mom bod?
Where is the appreciation for mom bod?! I’m not talking third-trimester belly, I mean the average, post-birth mom bod that settles into place like that comfy secondhand sweater you just had to buy. I dream of a world in which I can still be considered hot while rocking a sensible haircut and breasts that sag from the weight of gravity/the patriarchy. Unfortunately, the media tells me that it’s acceptable for guys to have a gut, yet the lack of a space between a woman’s thighs means she’s worthless as an empty can of PBR.
The concept of the dad bod reinforces the belief that men are allowed to be imperfect. Yes, boys, love your flab! Don’t worry about your body; you have important stuff to do. Grill some burgers! Coach some youth baseball! Watch a football game! Women, on the other hand, are not afforded the luxury of imperfection. Sure, ladies, you can let it go… So long as “let it go” means that you stay sexy (not slutty), do kegels on the reg, and focus on your thigh gap instead of the wage gap.
Some brave men don’t mind aging women settling into mom bods. These heroes believe it is okay for women to get old, so long as they are MILF old and not real old. These guys think they’re cool with mom bod, but it actually just means that they frequent the “Mature” category on Pornhub, and therefore expect mom bod to include fake boobs, a flat stomach, no stretch marks, and definitely no sign of the kid that popped out from between her legs.
Dad bod is the best thing to happen to men since being born under the patriarchy! It’s as if women decided, “Insecurity is kind of our thing, we’ll take it from here,” and then absorbed male appearance-related anxiety, dutifully piling it atop our heap of aesthetic concerns while men settled for the life of a “Before” picture model with no want or need for the “After.”
Why aren’t we appreciating the average female body? Is it more difficult because to have dad bod, you have to drink a lot of beer, but to have true mom bod, you have to push a human out of you? Ladies, put on your mom jeans, eat some ice cream, and work to normalize mom bod. Guys, if there were ever a time for the Oedipus Complex to gain traction, it’s now. Pull through!
