There are very few joys associated with a long distance relationship. One of them, of course, is the freedom it gives you to let your leg hair grow free. Another is the quality time you get to spend with one another is far more special, however rare it might be. One of the better ways to actually get some face time is to FaceTime (hardy har har). Technological advancement has been a blessing for the LDR – now couples can actually look each other in the face and talk to each other from a hundred miles away (can you imagine how hard this shit was for Jane Austen? Yeesh). It’s like you’re not even apart! Well, except for the fact that you’re a hundred miles away and haven’t had sex for a month. Fun!
FaceTime or Skype can be difficult landscapes to navigate. You can get away with all kinds of stuff on the phone. But on FaceTime? No, no, no. It’s not that easy, doofus. Below I’ve written a few key rules to follow when video-chatting with your boo.
p.s. If you’re reading this because you’re in a long distance relationship with your cat, disregard all of the following rules. You’re talking to a freaking cat. They don’t care what you’re doing anyway.
- Stop talking to your dumb roommates – When you’re in a long distance relationship, any time is special time. When you and your SO have agreed to video chat at a specific hour, stick to it like it’s a date in person! Don’t spend all your time dancing to the Edge of Glory with your suitemates. Unless your SO is dancing too, then that’s kinda weird but kinda cute. Do you.
- It’s probably not a good idea to use the bathroom on video chat – Your beloved isn’t interested in watching you wipe your butt after you’ve been in the bathroom… Or in hearing any sound effects. Unless you’re part of an LDM (long distance marriage) or your significant other has been with you for a ridiculously long time, it’s probably not a good idea to pee on FaceTime. That being said, I’ve probably broken this rule 50 times. My boyfriend pays no attention and I can be really crafty with the mute button.
- Feel free to bring your dinner (to the chat, not to the bathroom) – If you bring food and your SO brings food and you both eat it in front of each other, it’s like a little dinner date! Aw! And then when you’re done eating and still feel tremendously empty it won’t be because you’re hungry. It’ll be because you’re sad.
- Change your clothes if you must – Actually, definitely sneak this in. It’s really subtle but it can be really sexy. Unless you’re a professional mascot for a sports team and are changing out of the costume. When your big inflated head comes off and it’s just you standing there in an animal body with no head… Why am I talking about this?
- Skype sex? Go ‘head girl, go ‘head get down.
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