What’s not to love about March? There are the first signs of Spring, Pisces season, and — most importantly — Women’s History Month! As a comedy group for women and other marginalized gender identities, The Rib loves Women’s History Month, and to celebrate, we have prepared a non-exhaustive list of how you can commemorate the occasion!
- Venmo Request Your Male Friends $0.16
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 84 cents. Crazy, right? Combat the wage gap by forcing your male friends and family members to compensate you! You’ll quickly find out which men in your life are worth keeping and which aren’t even worth their paycheck.
- Switch Your Antidepressant
The plague of indecision is a key part of a woman’s everyday life. This month, go against the status quo by choosing everything. A game of SSRI roulette never hurt anybody! If you’re currently on Prozac, switch to Lexapro. Then, maybe switch it up with some Zoloft. Surely by the end of March, you’ll know which is best for you!*
- Text Your Mother
Sometimes we forget our mothers are women, too. Take the time to reach out to mommy this month — whether it’s to share the joys and wonders of womanhood, ask for money or just to stir up some drama.
- Think About Your Dream Baby
Cancel your plans for the entire day to contemplate the baby your subconscious conjured. There is nothing quite like longing for that which is not real. Maybe even call up your mom to talk about the dream baby and kill two birds with one stone. The crazy part? You don’t even want kids (at least you didn’t until you had this dream)!
- Go Out to Brunch
So much can be accomplished over mimosas and belgian waffles. Whether it’s to share gossip, to wear a dress you haven’t worn in seven months, or just to have an excuse to drink before 5:00 PM, brunch with the girls poses an infinite number of opportunities. Run up that bill and use that extra Venmo coin from all of your male friends to pay it off!
- Wallow in the Misfortune of Being the Oldest Daughter
No elaboration necessary.
- Close the Orgasm Gap With Your Gal Pal
We’ve already mentioned the wage gap, but we have yet to mention an even greater threat… the orgasm gap. Men are more than twice as likely to orgasm with a sexual partner than women. Research has found, though, that lesbian women are nearly 33% more likely to orgasm than heterosexual women. It seems like the problem has solved itself, if you ask me. Grab your nearest gal pal and show society that women can orgasm, too!
Happy Women’s History Month to all who celebrate (which should be everyone, to be fair).
*This is not legitimate medical advice and should not be treated as such.