As any middle schooler knows, cyberbullying is a precise and subtle art. It involves being completely awful while still riding the narrow line of deniability, so that no one can claim that you’re really doing anything wrong. This can be a hard situation to navigate, and the newly introduced Facebook reaction buttons add a whole new level to a complex issue. Follow these guidelines to get the most out of the new cyberbullying tools in your arsenal.
Do you feel the white hot irony just dripping from this WOW button? Use this to signify that you could not give less of a fuck about what you’re seeing. Look out for statuses like “couldn’t find the can opener, guess I’m not eating tomato soup tonight after all lol” and drop this button to really drive home how little you care.
LOVE is a strong emotion, and it should be saved for posted content that is strongly embarrassing. Find the worst possible picture of your victim and drop this button along with an “omg you look so cute here!” Bonus points if everyone except your victim knows that you’re actually being a sarcastic piece of shit.
The single tear drop on this SAD face takes it from “oh no, I feel so bad!” to “oh wow, let’s CRY ABOUT IT.” Use that to your advantage, and drop this button on all the melodramatic statuses that clutter your feed. This has the added advantage of signifying that you saw, read, and reacted to the post but couldn’t be bothered to offer any actual support or encouragement.
Sometimes people post things that are just too embarrassingly funny to react to with anything other than a HAHA. Use this button to make it painfully obvious that you’re laughing at them, not with them.
To keep your victims on their toes, sprinkle the ANGRY button in wherever you want. Get creative with it–don’t feel like you need to limit yourself to statuses and pictures. Your victim likes Mayday Parade? That makes you ANGRY. Now friends with Abby Johnson? ANGRY.
If used correctly, Facebook reactions have the potential to amplify the pain felt from your cyberbullying significantly. Follow these tips and you’ll be well on your way. Good luck, good bullying, and see you in hell!
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Clever! Sorta reminds me of the Underhanded C Contest @ SUNY Binghamton.