Hey there, Snapchatters! We hope you’re enjoying all of the great new features we’ve rolled out lately, from Discover to Snapcash (some of us wanted to call it $napca$h, but bureaucracy’s a pain, am I right?). Anyway, when you’re not busy viewing snaps of your friends having more fun than you all the time, check out these cool new updates we’re rolling out this year:
SnapMatt: Our searches for celebrity endorsement aren’t going great, but hey, Academy Award winner Matt Damon has agreed to periodically send users snaps of his daily activities! Wow!
SnapSnacks: Goodbye Seamless, and hello SnapSnacks! Send a snap of your disgusting, miserable hungry face to the restaurant of your choosing, and they’ll use NSA-verified location tracking to ship your food to your exact GPS coordinates!
SnapNeon: This fun new photo filter will make your snaps glow like the Vegas strip! Honestly, we’re not really sure how this works, but it’s pretty rad!
SnapNews: Snapchat is taking journalism to the next level! In this update, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams will send you a personalized Snapchat video reading a news article of your choosing. Tell me all about baby sloths for 10 seconds, BriWi!
SnapBat: Send a friend request to the SnapBat account and receive a bat in real life! We can’t remember if this gives you a baseball bat or the animal, so please use this at your own risk.
SnapWeather: Did you know Snapchat users sent over one trillion snapchats in January alone with that little temperature filter over it? And that most of them said “brr, this sucks [snowflake emoji] [crying out of both eyes emoji]”? Luckily, Snapchat is teaming up with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to put the “change” in “climate change”! Snap your frustration with the freeze to the NOAA, and they’ll fly their secret government weather-changing machines into the atmosphere and turn your town into a tropical paradise!
SnapGroups: Create groups out of your contacts to conveniently send pics — all with a single tap! Haha, just kidding, we’re never going to do that.
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