Oversized sweaters, horn-rimmed glasses, and… clogs… oh my! This winter’s trendiest items seem all too familiar. Were they from Alexander Wang Fall/Winter 2008? No, that was the year of heroin chic meets yacht club preppiness. Perhaps Alexander McQueen for Givenchy Haute Couture Fall/Winter 1999? No, that was the year of undead cyborg short-circuiting. Ah, that’s right. Those trendy pieces came from none other than the closets of grandmothers everywhere.
As far as I’m concerned, it’s okay to keep raiding your grandmother’s closet. While you’re there, I’m sure she would be happy to hear from you. It’s been a while since you last called. And did you get her card in the mail? I know you kids do everything online these days, but Nana just can’t keep up with those iPhone do-hickeys.
XXL cable-knit sweaters sure are comfortable. Your ol’ grandma knows what she’s doing when it comes to fashion. This isn’t her first time around the block. Maybe if you listened to her stories at extended family dinners you could learn a thing or two, young lady. Grandma has it all figured out, so why imitate her style alone?
You don’t want to rush into the grandma lifestyle too quickly. It takes decades to master such a feat. But after cautiously adopting her wardrobe, you can take things to the next level. Ease into grandma behavior by baking a pie in your dorm kitchen. Only true grandmas can revel in the pleasure of keeping secrets from the young and nosey (your fellow dorm-mates). Really want to prove your commitment? Leave the pie out to cool and sit with smug satisfaction as the scent of cinnamon apples tempts all of the plebeians on their dejected walk home from the Ratty.
Everyone knows that in order to be a grandma, you must fulfill the Knitting Requirement. Knitting is more than just another way to procrastinate for exams. Wield your sharp, metal needles with unbridled grandmotherly tenacity to cut the breakfast burrito line in Andrews. Do you like cold beer but hate cold hands? A Natty Light is simply incomplete without a knitted beer koozie.
The ultimate stage of being a young grandma is tough to pull off in college. But if you’re serious about the grandma lifestyle, it’s a must. While your friends boast about pulling all-nighters to finish term papers, flaunt your inner grandma by going to bed at 8:30 pm. It’s like that old saying, “An early bird gets to be first in line at the Ratty omelet station.”
So wear those high-waisted grandma jeans to the Ratty with pride! But while you’re there, don’t forget to complete the grandma look. The trendiest young grandma accessories are asking your friends if they’ve finally found a nice boy to settle down with, and making off-color remarks at dinner.
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