These days I am constantly hearing about my peers becoming DJs. Whether it’s through SV filling my inbox with the most unappealing events possible (ah yes, neon tech rave at Fete Music Hall that 14 freshmen will attend, I’m so there!) or through a friend of a friend’s Instagram story, the proportion of up-and-coming DJs at this school is a little too high for my liking. There’s only so many ways to remix “Doses & Mimosas” with “Hey Ya!”. In case you, too, have been struck by the not-so-niche desire to try your hand at turntabling (yup, that’s a real word), here is a list of other ways to spend your time and creative energy!
- Start a Roth IRA. Maybe it’s the Econ major in me but it’s never too early to start saving! Perhaps we won’t live to see the age of retirement because of our rapidly deteriorating planet, and perhaps money won’t have value because we’ll have gone full The Last of Us by 2060, but you gotta start planning for that future! Instead of buying some ridiculously expensive DJ gear (read: headphones) that you definitely won’t be using in a year, take that $800 and save for the golfing trip of a lifetime in the future.
- Get a piercing. Honestly, this is probably less damaging to your body than holding one part of a headphone to one ear as the other gets crippling ear damage, and pumping your arm up and down for two hours. Also, this still proves that you’re rebelling against societal norms and rebuilding your “look” without having to ruin your friend’s birthday by only playing Euro techno even though she specifically asked you to play ABBA and didn’t even want a DJ.
- Call your grandma. She hasn’t heard from you in 7 months. She misses you.
- Touch some grass. Go sit on the Main Green and take off those noise-canceling AirPod Pros. Listen to the birds chirping and wind blowing, rather than the pulsating beat you just made on SoundCloud. Also, figuratively touch some grass. You screaming last Saturday night at a freshman for requesting Hotel Room by Pitbull at D-Tau was a little out of pocket. Berlin-esque, no word, same beat for 7 and a half minute songs aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.
- Wash your sheets. I know it’s been more than two weeks since the last time they’ve graced a CleanQueen machine.
- Download Hinge. If you’re not pursuing a DJ career to increase your sex appeal then why are you doing it? You might as well cut to the chase and say you’re horny. Get your friend from VISA 0140: Photography Foundation to take some candid (or plandid?) photos of you and put yourself out there! Why not add yourself into the mix of Brown’s miserable dating pool?
- Post photos from your unique Spring Break vacay to Cancun! And caption it: a little late but fun times :). Show all your lame peers that you were cool and went to a country to drink and party all week and didn’t bother to learn a word of Spanish! Show that your parents definitely paid for you to have all inclusive drinks and food at the resort you were staying at. Everyone’s feed could use some more shirtless pics!
- Sell that thing on Depop. Remember when you bought those $25 jeans from Goodwill that you were totally going to upcycle and make into something super unique that might feature on F@B’s Instagram story highlight of Best Fits on Campus? Well it’s been a year now and it’s time to sell those god awful pants for triple the amount you paid in the first place. #y2K #vintage #entrepreneur
- Practice Duolingo. Much like your grandma, the Duolingo owl misses you 🙁