Looking for the perfect mix for your Halloween bash? Look no further. Grab your boo, and have a ghoulishly good time dancing to these eight terrifying tracks.
- “Photograph” by Nickelback – Any jam by Nickelback is guaranteed to kill at your party. Literally. Nickelback is quite possibly the worst band of all time. Even the critics agree: Rolling Stone said, “If you’re looking for originality, you might want a full refund instead of a Nickelback.” Plus, the whole song is about reminiscing on goodbyes and old memories. Endings are just terrifying.
- “Life” by Des’ree – There’s always that one person who hates Halloween, and this song is for them. Des’ree sings, “I don’t want to see a ghost/It’s a sight that I fear most/I’d rather have a piece of toast/And watch the evening news.” #deep.
- “Friday” by Rebecca Black – People will freak about that first line: “7AM wakin’ up in the morning.” 7AM?! IN COLLEGE!? Talk about frightening. Halloween this year also falls on a Saturday, so playing this song will throw your guests into a whirlwind of confusion. And who can forget the fabulous dancing of the blonde chick in the music video? That’s some freaky shit. In the case of a dance-off, we know who’s f@$&ed.
- “Feelings” by Maroon 5 – When will Adam Levine stop pushing the limits of his vocal range? My ears can’t even register half the notes in this song. I can feel my blood pressure rise when he gets to the chorus. I think the only male falsetto that I have mildly enjoyed in my eighteen years of living is from my main man Justin Timberlake, and even that’s a stretch.
- “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction – This song is particularly horrifying to me, as it brings up memories of a time when I wasn’t in control of who I was: I was 13 years old, and I was a Directioner. Not even a casual Directioner. My obsession was hardcore. I would fall asleep every night listening to One Direction and thinking about Niall. I’m pretty sure I had a bracelet that said “TEAM NIALL.” Thinking about this now, I’m ashamed and worried for any obsessions I may develop in the future. Also, people smiling at the ground is really off-putting and creepy.
- “Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)” by The Cheeky Girls – This pop-duo somehow sold 1.2 million copies of this song, and Tina Belcher probably bought all of them. It’s legitimately a song about touching butts. They say the word “cheeky” a whopping 63 times. My favorite lyric is “Touch my bum/this is life, ooh.” Thanks for that brilliant observation, Cheeky Girls! I’ve been searching for the meaning of life, and now I know that life is touching a bum.
- “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus – To anyone who grew up in the Hannah Montana era, Billy Ray was just a television character. He was Miley Stewart’s wise dad who raised her after the death of his wife. Seeing him outside of that context as a country music sensation is kinda strange. In addition to being one of the most annoying and repetitive songs in the universe, “Achy Breaky Heart” conjures up an image of Billy Ray with a mullet that has now been burned into my retina. It looks like the cover of a self-help book. Do better, past Billy Ray.
- “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley – Hell yeah, you just got rickrolled on your own playlist!
