The Rib-term Exam

You’re going to kick serious a$$ on your midterms, because you are incredibly intelligent and I believe in you. But if your brain is feeling fried as an egg, take a break from studying and take the totally passable RIB-term exam instead.

1.  The capitol of the United States of America is:

a)  Pawnee

b)  Washington, D.C.

c)  The U.S. Dollar

d)  Providence, R.I.

Answer: B. If you said C, please work on your homonym differentiation problem. If you said D, please work on your narcissism problem.

2.  Which of the following apps is open on your phone right now?

a)  Facebook

b)  Tinder

c)  Canvas

d)  Instagram

Answer: anything but C. Canvas, ha. *furiously swipes right*

3.  Who won the last season of the Bachelorette?

a)  Shawn T.

b)  Shawn B.

c)  Nick

d)  Ben H.

Answer: B. Shawn must have been a really popular name in 1987.

***Bonus Question: What is Shawn B.’s profession?

a)  Dentist

b) “Entrepreneur”

c)  Software Salesman

d)  Personal Trainer

Answer: D. Because:

4.  What concert did Kelsey from high school just post pictures of on Facebook?

a)  One Direction

b)  Drake

c)  Taylor Swift

d)  Literally any artist cooler or more famous than the one you just saw in concert

Answer: D. God she’s the worst.

5.  The name of that cute guy in your calc recitation section:

a)  Jake

b)  Dylan

c)  Jack

d)  Kyle

Answer: A. “Jake, is it?” *shakes hand and pretends not to know name despite extensive Facebook stalking*

6.  What are you NOT drinking these days?

a)  Water

b)  Vodka

c)  Coffee

d)  The run-off from your own salty tears

Answer: A. Vodka is hydrating, right?

7.  Which of the following workouts will you have time for this midterm season?

a)  4 miles on the treadmill

b)  The walk to the library

c)  Taking the stairs

d)  The act of putting on yoga pants and a t-shirt

Answer: both B & D are acceptable. Lifting your arm to push the library elevator button for floor 3 burns calories, doesn’t it?

8.  How much studying do you have to do tonight?

a)  100 hours

b)  5 hours

c)  ∞ hours

d)  n + 3 hours, where n= the number of hours the person you’re talking to claims they’ll have to study

Answer: Sorry don’t have time to tell you the answer too much studying to do.

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