Today marks an exciting new venture as the Rib, as it has outbid both the Brown Consulting Club and Brown Students for Israel to add Brown’s recently suspended Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP) to its ever-growing media brand. The Rib’s mission has always centered on giving marginalized voices a place to be funny, publishing articles on groundbreaking topics like “The Hawk Tuah Girl supports Ted Kaczynski” and “I got a bad haircut.” We think the addition of SJP’s “I’m sure that if we present a reasonable proposal to the Board of Trustees to make sure that multibillion-dollar endowment doesn’t tacitly endorse and fund the slaughter of thousands of innocent children and civilians they will listen” bit pairs well and is a perfect addition to the Rib.
Furthermore, throughout the past year, SJP has shown a unique ability to be at the forefront of many conversations, appearing in national publications—a level of fame the Rib would like to acquire. To be clear: the Rib likes to be the center of attention, and the acquisition of SJP is a move to keep our name at the top of the minds of Brown University.
What the Rib plans to do with SJP remains an open question. We didn’t think it would get this far, and we are now completely broke. Unfortunately, UFB doesn’t accept “spent all our money on an auction” as an acceptable excuse for requesting more funds. In other news, the 4/20 show will now be ticketed. We’re sure it will sort itself out! For now, we revel in our successes and a future side by side with SJP.