Oh, Michael. You’ve always been there whenever I needed you. From final exam study breaks in the sci-li and awkward bonding with strangers (“Oh, I like The Office too!”) to comic relief during recent sophomore slump-induced existential crises (“No, really, what am I concentrating in?”). But seeing the recent string of businesses close has managed to ruin even some of Michael’s best moments (“THAT IS A TWO HUNDRED DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED!”).
Froyo World. TeaLuxe. Shiru. The empty space across from the bookstore that was turned into a Chase bank. The Threading Place. These are only a few of the heartbreaks that I have experienced in the past year. Thayer is infamous for quick business turnover; much of that has to do with the high rent. But I don’t comprehend the logic behind these losses.
Why is it that Froyo World, the only place of its kind on Thayer and the surrounding area, has closed, but the VR place is still here? How are there THREE boba places within .3 miles of each other but the only threading place closed? Why? And for that matter, how are there two Blue States? Two Bajas? Two banks on the same block?
I would never describe myself as someone who understands economics by any standard. I have never taken any Econ classes (ever) and The Wolf of Wall Street and The Big Short are pretty much the only things shaping my knowledge of Wall Street/banking/stocks, but Thayer seems to defy even my basic understanding of supply and demand.
If I have to endure this heartbreak, I would appreciate if there was some iota of logic involved. But while sitting in Chipotle, gazing out the window at the empty space where TeaLuxe used to reside, I had something of an epiphany. Even if episodes of The Office can’t help me get over my Thayer-induced sadness, Michael Scott still can! He can serve as a guide for the six stages of grief and get me through this.
Shock: Upon hearing about these losses, I felt the same way that Scott’s Tots did finding out that Michael couldn’t follow through on his promise.
Denial: Much like Michael when he discovered that Toby had returned, I will deny that anything has happened. I will stand outside of se7en (???), which replaced Froyo World in record time, and scream “NOOOOOOO GOD PLEASE NO” until I am placated with free frozen yogurt.
Anger: I’m so mad that I might just fall into a koi pond. Why is this happening now?? Shiru can’t close right before midterm season starts! It’s cruel to deprive my nervous system of free coffee every two hours.
Bargaining: “I’ll protest outside the Chase Bank if that will make it close! I’ll do it, I swear. Down with the big corporations!” “Just put the good peanut butter in my hair if it’ll get the gum out.” Same energy.
Depression: is not just a fancy word for feeling bummed out! And I’m too sad to get my eyebrows threaded anywhere else.
Acceptance: Once I get over the death of chair lady and the fact that I’ll be drinking a significantly decreased amount of coffee and tea, I’ll move on. Change is an inevitable part of life (and Thayer). I’ll say my goodbyes. Do you think that Dear Blueno rumor about a Dunkin Donuts is true?
To the next wave of new restaurants and stores, just know that the bar has been set high. And if Chipotle closes, we riot.