If you’ve spent any time on the internet lately, you have probably noticed the proliferation of articles mocking the behaviors of the “basic white bitch” (interchangeable with the “basic white girl“). If this concept is unfamiliar to you (as it was for me right before I blacked out from my rage-sweats) than I urge you to educate yourself here, here, here and especially here. Obviously the name intrigued me. I expected to find a detailed anthropological investigation of this new type of woman. Who is the typical “basic white bitch?” Apparently, it describes most females.
The token “basic white bitch” stereotypes seem to mostly be centered around their love of all things “pumpkin-spiced” and an appreciation for a cheeky Instagram filter. Although, I’m not sure this really qualifies as a type of woman so much as a description of things middle class people like. I’ve witnessed multiple grey-haired whiskery professors order pumpkin-spice lattes with glee, and it is a fact that women aren’t the only ones glorifying their goji-berried oatmeal on Instagram. However, out of respect for the article entitled “16 Questions All Basic White Girls Never Knew They Needed To Answer,” I will answer some of them as an ambassador for the world of leggings, spiced coffee, and worshippers of the great Dalai Lana Del Ray.
- “Why am I seeing so many basic white girls in sunflower fields?” The answer to this is actually quite obvious. You, sir, are standing in a sunflower field.
- “I don’t know why basic white girls feel the need to put a monogram on everything.” Firstly, I am unconvinced that monogramming is not just something that people do in general. Please refer to the LL Bean backpack you carried around for most of your
currentprepubescent years. Also, monograms are a handy way to tell which LL Bean backpack is mine and which is yours. Capitalist efficiency at its finest. - “Why are all the basic white girls wrapping themselves in American flags and posting it on Instagram?” This is not a thing. You were obviously checking your Instagram feed on July 4th.
- “Why do all basic white girls feel the need to start a sentence with lower case letters?” Why did I just receive a text from you that says “hey hmu l8ter if u wanna”? Perhaps basic white girls are not the only ones using grammatical shortcuts?
- And finally, the most controversial: “Why do all these basic white girls want pumpkin spice lattes?” They taste amazing. You know it, I know it, the very tall fifty year old man standing in front of me at Starbucks knows it.
The “basic white bitch” is a myth. The idea that things that are universally liked – by girls AND boys – are “basic”, gendered, and by default idiotic, makes no sense. We all like dumb shit. Let us wear our oversized sweaters in peace. Or maybe I’m just cranky because I’m on my period.
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