*Author’s note: it’s fiction, mom. Fiction! I’m not actually that sexually attracted to waffles.*
Sophomore slump had been real. Susie was unsure of everything — her sexuality, her concentration, and whether or not Kanye was, in fact, a genius. The worst part about sophomore year was the fact that Susie’s upstairs neighbors had constant loud sex, moaning so noisily it seemed they wanted to make sure Susie knew they were having sex and she wasn’t. It’s not like Susie was celibate– there were just no prospects for her. She matched with this beautiful boy on a “dating” app, but, apparently, he was courtesy swiping. She almost hooked up on Halloweek with this one guy, but was so drunk she threw up and he was like, hmm maybe not. She got her period during Spring Weekend– the weekend she just wanted to get laid. Not getting some was killing her vibe, and nothing was getting her off. Porn didn’t cut it, masturbation didn’t cut it, and she bought a vibrator that required the world’s hardest-to-find-batteries, so that also didn’t cut it. She had to go to extremes. She had to walk to Pembroke and get herself some lovin’.
Susie went to the V-Dub, looking for some satisfaction. She zoned in on what she wanted, liking what she was seeing: a little grease, a little hard to get, a lot “bad for you,” and hotly desired by other girls. She took decisive steps, poured the good stuff on. It took her approximately two minutes to get everything done.
She then sat down by herself. She opened her legs wide, stabilizing herself for what was to come ;).
Hmm.. she sighed. The… crevices. The warmth of your crooks and crannies.
She kept at it. Her hands moved fast.
Let’s try something different — let’s get some syrup!
She liked the sweetness, and thought of something even crazier.
Baby, some whipped cream would do you wonders!
Oh woah, now it’s really thick. I’ll swallow. Swallow!
She came. The V-Dub waffle had done the trick.
She decided to stay for lunch. That day it was going to be chicken fingers. Too bad she had already had dessert.
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