There is nothing inherently weird about buying lacey underwear. Lace panties are both cute and sexy, and it can be very empowering to wear them for yourself. However, it does get weird when they crowd your underwear drawer because you don’t want to waste them. Let me clarify: A fancy bra is something can wear multiple times in a row, but when it comes to knickers, hopefully you wash them after one use. I don’t want to don my hot pink number, just to realize I need it later on that week.
But how do you need a particular pair of underpants? Well, sometimes it’s for the sake of color coordinating your lingerie, and sometimes it’s for a special occasion. Most of the time, my sexy underwear is akin to a security blanket. There is a ninety five percent chance that nothing will come of whatever party, coffee date, or lecture that I’m attending, but it’s nice to feel prepared, just in case. Perhaps more importantly, it’s nice to feel that however crappy your day may be, you look damn good underneath your clothes.
These days, if I don’t need that extra boost of confidence, I don’t wear the lace. Wash cycles come and go, and still there is a little corner of vibrant underwear in my dresser, suffocating between wool socks and girls’ boxer briefs. My hanky panky collection has become obsolete, and I’ve started to recognize that there is no point in buying more of them. Yet somehow, American consumerism gets me every time I waltz in a department store, and I walk out with more sexy knickers. At the time, I think, “Oh, I’ll definitely wear that.” Once they’re in my possession, I think, “Oh, I’ll definitely need that at an undetermined time in the future, I shouldn’t wear it today.”
There are two possible solutions for this problem. Solution A) Buy so many pairs of lace panties that it is impossible to run out before laundry time rolls around. Solution B) Embrace the fact that all of my sexual encounters will involve boring, seamless underwear, and screw the patriarchy.
Considering that I wear leggings 60% of the year, and I give zero fucks 100% of the year, I choose option B. If I ever build a bomb shelter, it will probably contain very little powdered milk, and a lot of barely worn lace underwear.
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