Ah, Instagram. The window to the soul. The photographer’s playground. A chance to prove to your followers that you are the artsiest of them all. Oh, a sunset, how beautiful. Wow, look at how much fun I’m having at this party – check out my completely candid laughter. I had the best meal today – what’s that you say? Did I Instagram a photo of it? Why, of course, I did. After all, if it wasn’t on Instagram, did it really happen?
I suppose, then, this rule – “pics or it didn’t happen” – applies to all facets of the Instagram universe, including the more social aspects. Want to know if you’re really in with someone? Check their profile. Instagram is, after all, the best indicator of true friendship. If you are in a photo that someone has posted, they deliberately chose that photo. And they chose you. Beneath, I have composed a guide to all of your personal relationships – through the “lens” of Instagram.
If You Don’t Have an Instagram – Sorry, who are you?
If You’ve Never Been Featured on Their Instagram – You’re probably not friends, sorry. Or, it’s a brand new friendship, so you don’t have any pictures together yet. This could change! All in due time.
If You’ve Been Tagged in a Comment on Another Person’s Photo – Hey, they thought of you! That’s kind of cool! Unfortunately, they probably don’t think of you enough to actually take pictures with you to post, but something out there reminded them of you, and that’s kind of nice, too. It’s like making friends with someone in your kindergarten class because you both love the purple crayons. You’re on your way up the friendship ladder, kiddo! Maybe one day you’ll come into school with the same lunchbox, and then it’ll be a done deal.
If You Were Included in a Big Group Photo – Oh, you’re just one of the gang! This person obviously posted this picture to showcase how many fun and cool friends they have. Unfortunately, this is less about you than it is about the other person. Go ahead and nurse your wounded pride, and then post a big group photo of your own. At least you were included! #girlsnightout
If You’ve Been in a One-on-One Shot – Wow! You guys must be best friends! The caption probably called you a “bae” or a “ride or die.” Congrats on being so popular. If you’re not actually best friends with that person, they probably like you a lot (maybe a little too much?)! Or, you both look super good and the Instagramer probably just wanted a bunch of likes. Look for hashtags like #hot #blonde #brunette #friends #love #like4like or #follow4follow (or if you’re dealing with hardcore Instagram biddies, #l4l, #f4f, #vscocam). They’re sure signs of a desperate ‘Gramer and probably also indicative of their motivation behind posting this photo, which is not your sparkling personality. But hey, at least you look great!
If You Get a Birthday Post – Did you get a big picstitch, or a collage of photos of times you’ve spent together? Did it include goofy photos of you at restaurants, or in your pajamas? You have a true friend on your hands here. If they spent the time compiling photos from Facebook, their phone, or other people’s phones, you must be really important to them. This friend definitely posted something for you when you graduated high school or got into your dream school. A good old-fashioned goofy photo certainly isn’t a like-grabbing post, so they’re posting out of genuine affection for you. You must feel #blessed.
If You’re Constantly in Their Posts – You are in a relationship with this person, you doofus. There is nothing ambiguous about that. They #love you and never stop posting about it. Maybe you should return the favor every once in a while. Or, you know, just take them on a date. #myboo #loveyou #2months
Image via Sarah Master.