After eight years of wearing a uniform to school, I now struggle with the concept of “picking out an outfit” for class. Back then, it was so easy: kilt, polo shirt (blue or white – oh the options!), spandex for under the kilt, and my Sperry Topsiders (so preppy chic). It also helped that my school was all girls – no makeup, constant bed head, and stained collared shirts – AKA not giving a shit.
Now at college, I feel like I probably should give one. Do I wear jeans? If I do, I usually end up sweating through them. Do I wear a dress? If I do, I feel like I’m trying too hard. So, I asked some friends ahead of me in school for outfit advice. My friend, Natalie, gave me some great wisdom that I am now going to impart on you, the fellow outfit struggler. She told me that when she goes to class every day, she makes it look like she’s going to workout at the gym. One small caveat: she never actually goes. Instead, she’s comfortable in her yoga pants and sweatshirt.
I have taken her devise and formed a step-by-step guide so you’ll never have to worry about what you’re going to wear to class again.
How to Get Dressed for Class — A Three Step Process:
1. Put on your favorite pair of leggings (Lululemon, Athletica, Lucy, Target, anything is fine)
2. Put on a ratty old t-shirt (add sweatshirt for when it’s chilly outside)
3. Put on sneakers (usually goes well with calf socks – see Nike)
Voila! You have created the Illusion of the Workout Clothes. If you’re like me, the idea of going to the gym overwhelms you, thus making it an infrequently visited location. But with this illusion–dressing as if you’re going to workout at the gym–people will think you’re… well… going to workout at the gym. They’ll think, “Wow, she must be so busy, but she’s extremely committed to her physique that she wears her workout clothes so she can head right to the gym after class.”
Bonus–-elastic waistband on leggings means no muffin top!
Also, when you’re indulging in excessive amounts of your desired junk food of choice, people will be like, “Treat yo self girl! It looks like you just had a hard workout!” And you’ll be like, “Hell yeah I’m going to finish this cookie the size of my face!” My mantra: getting dressed for the gym is half the battle, right? So reward yourself by not actually going.
You may be asked several times, “Hey, are you going to the gym?” You should lie, “Of course I am! Today’s butt and quads day!” Then that person will look at you with disdain for your dedication to healthy living. To go further with the illusion, pinch your cheeks and splash some water on your face – you will make people feel even guiltier with the idea that you already have gone to the gym and they haven’t. Or, hold a Naked Juice – people will just automatically assume you’re healthier if you’re drinking one (my personal fav is Mighty Mango – it’s so delish!)
Little do these people know, when you’re done with classes, you run (this is the most you’ll exert yourself) back to the confines of your room to watch Netflix and finish the bag of popcorn that’s been sitting out for weeks.
The Illusion of Workout Clothes will save you countless hours from stressing over selecting the perfect outfit. Also, HELLO, you’re comfy ALL THE TIME! It’s truly a win-win situation. No need to thank me.
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