The Hidden Mac and Cheese Agenda

Like most people in the United States of ‘Murica, I grew up with a vastly skewed (cough, cough, Euro-centric and imperialistic) view of history. So, like many people in this country, I have celebrated the holiday of Thanksgiving. It’s basically an excuse holiday that I’m pretty sure no one but my mom and Bob Belcher on Bob’s Burgers actually likes. But, I digress.

Now, growing up in huge Hispanic family in Miami (shoutout to the 3 0 5), my family has been known to make a few changes to the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, particularly adding some much needed flavor. I mean, y’all whites colonize our lands and take our spices? For what? Not seasoning my poultry? It’s disgraceful. We also include things like black beans because if my sister and I don’t have black beans–sorry, frijoles–at least three times a day, my grandma loses her shit. Still, growing up, I was still pretty aware about the normal Thanksgiving dinner. I watched television, I saw what was on the table.

Then, approximately three weeks ago, I was talking to my Friendsgiving dinner companion…

Her: So for dinner, I’m thinking of making mac and cheese.

Me: Haha, yeah, ’cause we’re college students and all we eat is pasta. Classic.

Her: …No, that’s what people do for Thanksgiving.

Me: …WHAT?!?!?!?

REWIIIIND. Mac and cheese is a Thanksgiving side dish? Since when?!?!? This situation is made five times worse when you realize my friend is BRITISH and she APPARENTLY knows more about American traditions than I do.

I can’t believe America has hid this secret from me for years. I pay taxes!!! Or I did when I had a job and wasn’t completely overwhelmed by my mess of a life. I deserve to have known about this!

 I reached out to my friends, Rib gals, peers, and old classmates who had the honor of seeing me during my scene phase. I put up a very scientific and official poll on Facebook.

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As someone who has won the first place of multiple elementary school science fairs, I feel pretty confident about the accuracy of this poll.

The results:

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As we can see, nobody put “nah” because duh, everyone loves mac and cheese. That’s irrelevant. But, although the majority of answers were “yah” and “maybe” there were FIVE, I repeat, FIVE WHOLE PEOPLE who were “wtfffff????” about the concept. These are my brethren. It is unsettling to know that this was a secret the majority of America and my one British friend kept from me. I believe I should take it upon myself to uncover what other secrets America has been hiding from me. For instance, I have heard talk of something called “sliced bread” in which one can purchase a loaf where it comes already sliced. This is, of course, ridiculous, but I’ll look into it.

Image via and Nicole Martinez.

One thought on “The Hidden Mac and Cheese Agenda

  • Hmm, you never know, maybe they put “wtf????????” because they thought that you were crazy for even asking a question such as this. To us, not eating macaroni and cheese for thanksgiving is unimaginable. I would never go to anyones house for thanksgiving if they didn’t have it. Hmmm, its liiiike….not haveing a cell phone at the age of twenty and not knowing what one is. Pretty horrible, right? Yup.

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