Class of 2026: you may or may not have received a colorful little booklet from The Brown Daily Herald a few weeks ago. Yours truly also writes for that publication and helped distribute the Guides to Brown on that rainy Monday, so I feel just qualified enough to make a Ribified edition.
Rib Bites – some important events from the last few months for which The Rib obviously has the best and most accurate coverage
– My Application to be Provost of Brown University by Mia Lane
– Populist Meme Overlord Trumps his Competition, Becomes UCS President by The Rib
– A Letter from ResLife by Eliana Blumberg
First-Year Housing
You’ll find that some of you are living lavish in oversized Andrews doubles with sinks while some of you are living in kitchens? Lounges? The crawl space outside the Sci Li that is always windy? Underneath the MoChamp arch? Godspeed, and I sincerely hope it gets better next year, but I can’t make any promises because ResLife “forgot” to make room for hundreds of people in my class.
On another note, it has come to my attention that sub-free housing is in Keeney, which goes against the status quo of Andrews being calm and quiet and Keeney being party central. It’s quite weird to think about, so I will devote that mental energy to more important things such as when I can move off campus. Your class has already started redefining Brown, but either way, I hope everyone’s doing okay. Sending love to the first-years who keep getting flooded out.
Activities on Campus
The Rib (of Brown). The most hilarious team of writers consisting of people who identify as women and other marginalized genders. You should join.
Dining at Brown
Brown isn’t known for its food. It is known for Emma Watson, kids of other famous people and, as Tucker Carlson adorably reminded us, “Queer Dance.” Some would call our dining halls the ultimate downside, despite what a tour guide may have told you as they awkwardly experienced several students vehemently telling you not to go here in front of the Ratty (very aptly named, and there are skunks too). My tour guide told me that the food was “pretty good.” It has been “pretty good” at giving me IBS that magically goes away when I eat anywhere else. Hopefully you find some sustenance in spicy-withs and Blue Room muffins and relish in the hope that Trader Joe’s on Wickenden will finish construction soon.
Academic Buildings
(Un)fortunately, part of this institution involves going to class or, at the very least, doing some form of academic work. There are multiple buildings in which this labor takes place; some are quite pretty and others look like prison (ie. Barus and Holley). Oh, the hours of life I have wasted away in that basement.
The Rib operates out of Page-Robinson: it has a chandelier (classy, like us), and it’s also the location of seminar classes and the mailroom, everyone’s favorite location when they decide that this is their year to beautify their shoe-box-sized room.
Publications
The Rib. Us. You should join.
If you’re looking for more official journalism, there’s also the BDH. They’re pretty cool, but we’re more unfiltered (and funnier).
Important People
Blueno – potentially unpopular opinion, but this bluefully blue bear brought character to campus. Now he lives on in memory and laptop/water bottle stickers and has since been replaced by poo-no, a dreadful poop-esque structure on the Main Green.
(Not a person, but) the old athletics logo – she might not have been the prettiest, but at least she had an appreciation for nature, and has now been replaced by a “B” outlined in red and an angry bear. I have since purchased string lights with ivy vines in solidarity.
Academic Lingo
We don’t talk about that here. All you need to know is that Brown uses way too many mnemonics for everything and has probably gone through the whole alphabet multiple times. Some examples include DUGs, BUSSEL, CRC, BDW, UTRA, and the BUS. Whatever those mean.
Important Places
These will vary from person to person. You’ll find your happy place(s) soon enough, and those will be there for you through laughs and cries. Hopefully more of the first.
Writer’s Note
Though this guide is unofficial, I (on behalf of The Rib) extend a completely official welcome to you. We’d love to write and work and laugh with you. Rush Rib <3
Image via.
