The sign of any good sex life is the inability to watch a movie with your partner without aggressively making out half an hour in. I’m not saying this is the sign of any good relationship, by any means, but it definitely is the sign that the two of you are doing something right (and by doing something right, you’re really just doing *something*).
There is a magic to movie sex. The first and most obvious rule is that it should only happen in the comfort and privacy of your own home, as it cannot just happen anywhere a movie is playing. The second rule is that you have to select from a particular genre of movie. If you know, going into it, that movie night is just an excuse to fool around, you’ll need to make your selection wisely. You can’t watch a movie you’ll feel guilty having sex to, especially if it’s one of those movies that you just want to give a big hug (i.e., Forrest Gump). It can’t be a movie that you haven’t seen and care about seeing.
Here, I’ve curated the top ten best movies to have sex to so that you don’t even have to pretend to have the inner conflict of “Ugh, babe, I’m watching!” before you give in forty seconds later.
1. The Breakfast Club
The Breakfast Club is a classic. We respect it, but not enough to keep our pants on. It’s about a group of kids in detention walking in circles around the school. Perfect balance of enough background noise without too much actually happening. And there’s no way your partner will get distracted by any good lookers onscreen:
(Ed. Note: Allison Reynolds is an American treasure.)
2. Crazy Stupid Love
Everyone’s seen Crazy Stupid Love, but it hasn’t gotten old yet. Thus, the first half an hour will be absolutely riveting to you, and hopefully once you see Ryan Gosling without his shirt on, you’ll feel fired up and ready to go. This one’s perfect for those short breaks where you both stop and to watch the movie for ten seconds, say, “I love this part!!!!” and then go back to whatever you’re doing.
3. Mean Girls
Mean Girls is the go-to sex movie. But just be wary that you might get pregnant and die.
4. Spider Man (the Tobey Macguire one)
Any soft action superhero movie is perfect. It’s generally dark, which creates a nice ambiánce for the room. (Yes, there’s an accent there.) The swooshing and swirling noises of Spidey jump-jump-jump-jumpin’ around are oddly soothing. The plot is always cliché, and there’s always a sweet love story for suckers like you. Satisfy him, satisfy you – both on and off the screen.
5. 500 Days of Summer
This one is the unsung hero. You’d never assume it, but from personal experience I can tell you that it really happens naturally with this one. 500 Days of Summer gets you thinking about love and true love and if love exists and how much you love people and all of a sudden, you’ll either find the need to express your utmost desire for your partner or the need to have sex in order to distract from the sad truth. It is eerily reflective of your own life, striking a chord in your heartstrings and making you feel all the feels. And it has a great soundtrack.
6. Across the Universe
A sultry soundtrack and entrancing aesthetics. Love is all you need.
7. March of the Penguins
Once, someone asked my mom if she’d seen March of the Penguins. Her response was, “Who’s in that?” There is actually no plot to this film, it’s just a bunch of cute penguins walking around. If your life was an IFC show, you’d probably be getting freaky to this on the daily. (Not because it’s arousing, just to reiterate.)
8. The Great Gatsby
Oh, the irony of making love to a movie where everyone is searching for it. Again, the soundtrack is incredible and the cinematography is amazing. I recommend whispering the most quotable lines in your lover’s ear as they’re spoken. For example, “All the bright precious things fade so fast… and they don’t come back.”
9. Superbad
Had to include at least one Seth Rogen/Jonah Hill et al. film on the list. They’re hysterical. Having sex to them, and especially to Superbad, is so Friday night high school. If you and your partner aren’t trying to be all candle-lit serious, and enjoy laughing and having actual FUN during sex (which is, for the record, a v enjoyable thing), go for it.
10. Almost Famous
This movie deserves at least ten watches before you’re allowed to have sex to it. But once you’ve gotten to that point, make like Penny Lane and Russell Hammond. Embody the sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll of 1973. Afterwards, dance around in your underwear because that’s what they do in the movie and they make it look really fun.
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