Putting the Pro in Procrastination
It’s a common affliction for the modern college student: procrastination, that self-sabotaging mind game of avoidance, excuses, and more often than not, falling into the infinite...
A Series of Unfortunate Hook-ups: Part II
Two years ago, I spoofed Lemony Snicket’s “Series of Unfortunate Events” for my debut on The Rib by cataloguing the absurd hook-ups that defined my...
To The One Who Broke My Heart
My Dearest, I hope you are well. It’s been a couple of days since you walked out my shitty Perkins door, and I know you...
Pass(These Damn Exams)over
Well, it’s that time of year again. Your friendly neighborhood Jews are throwing out all their baked goods (protip: Passover is the best time of...
The Condemning Concentration
Earlier this week, I received an email that may or may not determine the rest of my path through life. “Congratulations, your concentration has been...
How to Be Gwyneth Paltrow: College Student Edition
by Nicole Martinez Are you a rich, famous, pretentious, attractive individual? Of course you’re not! You’re a bloated college student whose diet consists of Jo’s mozzy sticks,...
Is Everyone Having Sex Without Me?
I have found that the idiom “the walls have ears” applies weirdly and surprisingly well to university life. Last year in my freshmen dorm, I...
A Senior Friend
It takes a certain level of bravery for a party-seeking freshman to wander outside of the confines of dorm room parties on Friday nights. You...
The Winds: A Near Death Encounter
by Emily Adams Today, I battled the elements and nearly lost. But to my surprise, I still remain here on Earth, opposed to whatever cloud I...
Sorry Team: An Apology for Slacking on the Group Project
Dear group/team/homies, I’d like to offer my sincerest apology for being such a shitty group member. There was a project that needed to be completed,...