We Are All Blueno
I hate tomatoes. I hate them with an intense passion and cannot possibly fathom why anyone would enjoy their freaky texture and their tart flavor. The...
The Misadventures of Sexually-Frustrated Susie: The V-Dub Waffle
*Author’s note: it’s fiction, mom. Fiction! I’m not actually that sexually attracted to waffles.* Sophomore slump had been real. Susie was unsure of everything —...
Sober at SW
I was sober at Spring Weekend this year. Shocking? Maybe. Apparently, not everyone at this prestigious institution is a perfect golden child like I am....
Spring Weekend: A Fresh Perspective
My Spring Weekend probably went a little differently than yours. While you were pregaming with friends, bedecked in your finery of crop tops and glittering...
To The One Who Broke My Heart
My Dearest, I hope you are well. It’s been a couple of days since you walked out my shitty Perkins door, and I know you...
The Condemning Concentration
Earlier this week, I received an email that may or may not determine the rest of my path through life. “Congratulations, your concentration has been...
How to Be Gwyneth Paltrow: College Student Edition
by Nicole Martinez Are you a rich, famous, pretentious, attractive individual? Of course you’re not! You’re a bloated college student whose diet consists of Jo’s mozzy sticks,...
Buying Spring Weekend Tickets: A Time Log
I think the process of buying Spring Weekend tickets is stressful and annoying for everyone. It seems that website crashes are a dime...
Is Everyone Having Sex Without Me?
I have found that the idiom “the walls have ears” applies weirdly and surprisingly well to university life. Last year in my freshmen dorm, I...
This is Normal (And Other Lies You Tell Yourself in the Theatre Building)
As a Theatre Arts & Performance Studies concentrator, I spend a lot of time in Lyman Hall, home to the TAPS department. For those of...