BREAKING, Shit-spicions confirmed: Fox News reveals Poo-no statue an elaborate prank
Tucker Carlson has been playing the long game. Who could have predicted that a bronze shit-shaped commentary on what we put on pedestals is in...
Student Whose Phone Went off in “Absolute Quiet Room” Escorted Away by Men in Suits, Now Missing for 7 Days
Last Tuesday, freshman Ann Oing went missing. She was last spotted in the “Absolute Quiet Room” of the John D. Rockefeller library. Witnesses to the...
How to Stay Fed Off Meal Plan
After 3 years of being coddled like a helpless infant, coming off meal plan is truly such a rude awakening. But have no fear! Here...
A Day OFF College Hill
Sidewalks are swarmed, the Main Green is mobbed, and Faunce is filled to the brim. This can only mean one thing: ADOCH. I think I...
Breaking News: Humanities Students Discover Barus and Holley
Turns out Barus and Holley isn’t just for STEM majors, folks.
A Proposal to Tom Holland
Dear Tom Holland, You don’t know me, but I know you, or at least the “you” you present to the public. Back when I was...
Feeling Too Safe on Campus? Call a Dangerwalk!
With the end of timely warnings following DPS’ exciting arrest of the Orbee Gun Fiend (which I sincerely hope culminated in a high-speed car chase...
Girl Talk: I Just Found Out That My Roommate Is Closely Related To Ex-Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev. Advice?
First of all, I would like to assure you that this is not an uncommon experience. I'm sure many other readers have discovered that their...
Girl Who Sold Clothes on Main Green Once Now Considering Economics Major
She just understands business.
Leaked! Arthi’s Application to Host The Daily Show
There's an opening for hosting gig on The Daily Show-- hiring Arthi will ensure the legacy of hot genius hosts continues. And you can be...