While most TV shows and Target ads depict mid- to late-October as a time for students to enjoy the beautiful autumn weather and J. Crew sweaters, we students know that this time of the year is actually swallowed up by a dreadful and stressful time period known as “midterm season”. Professors are ruthless. All papers and projects are assigned in a way that makes you wonder if all your teachers are working together to ruin your life. It is during this time of the year when we, as stressed out and burnt out college students, are willing to turn to the savage, the desperate, and even to the stupid to survive this trying time.
So, here are five terribly stupid, alarmingly simple, and ridiculously awful life hacks to get you through this hellfire they call “midterm season”:
If you’re having trouble staying awake in class, but desperately need that 15% participation grade, there’s a simple way to still get your grade while making up for a night of lost sleep. Find a picture of yourself (or of anyone, really) and cut out the eyes. Just make sure that in the photo, the subject’s eyes are open. Then in class tape pictures of the open eyes over your eyes. Voila! Your professor won’t be able to see your closed eyes under the open ones, and you can nap to your heart’s content!
So subtle.
If you’ve suddenly become immune to the blaring sound of your alarm clock each morning and are constantly running late to class, here’s a great way to cut out at least two minutes out of your morning routine: instead of brushing your teeth, simply add toothpaste to your breakfast*! Chewing food particles mixed with minty goodness is basically the same as manually brushing spearmint-covered bristles against your teeth!
*Or lunch. Or dinner. Basically, whatever meal you have the time for eat next.
If you consistently feel like an idiot when you’re around friends who definitely got enough REM sleep the night before, and want to sound just as articulate and knowledgeable as them, do the following: add pretentious, but articulate and knowledgeable sounding phrases to the start of every sentence, even when you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
Examples include: “According to my calculations”; “Having done copious amounts of research”; “My one friend at MENSA once said to me”; etc.
If you have a crush on someone but don’t have the time to put in the effort to stalk court them properly by flirting at parties or asking them out to get lunch and coffee with you, there’s a efficient way to get them to notice you. All you need to do is go onto Instagram, find their profile, scroll down until you’re like in the “75 weeks ago” zone, and simply like one of their photos. Easiest and quickest way to get their attention.
She’s obviously screaming because of how excited she is about getting @bae’s attention.
And finally, if you have a huge exam, an impossible essay to write, or an unrealistic project to complete, here’s a surefire way to get out of it – just don’t do it. Seriously. Go do literally anything else with your life. No one can stop you.
The hills are alive…with people just doing their own damn thing.
