Stop Looking at Me

What is it about eye contact that makes me so uncomfortable? I suppose it’s a lot of things, but to name just a few: my inability to take anyone or anything seriously; how formal it feels to look someone directly in the eye; the following stereotype: that creepy dudes make intense, unceasing eye contact; and the generally aloof aura I try to emit while interacting with my peers (just kidding, I would never use the word “aloof” to describe myself).

All things considered, I suppose eye contact is a great way to assure someone that you’re listening to what they’re saying. Yet, it has always made me uncomfortable. It’s like breathing. Once you start thinking about it, you can’t stop thinking about it, and then you get weird and anxious and feel like you’re suffocating. No? Just me? Alright.

For some reason, my awkward peers and I have yet to quite master the art of making eye contact. How much is too much? Can you make eye contact and still zone out and not get caught (for me, the answer to this is no, because I get a really spacey look when I’m not paying attention)? How little eye contact is acceptable? When I asked a few of my friends the above questions, they had a variety of interesting things to say about it; however, the majority of my friends hadn’t really thought about it that much. Perhaps the well-socialized majority has a little more ease dealing with body language in general than the nerds I hang out with do. Perhaps, also, this piece stems from an innate tendency to overthink almost everything I do or say.

But come on. Tell me you haven’t accidentally made eye contact across the room with someone you barely know and felt really weird about it afterwards. Or–and I pray that this hasn’t happened to you–maybe you’ve made eye contact with your professor during a lecture while you were doing something stupid, or yawning, or waking up from a nap. What do you do when you make accidental eye contact with a person of authority? Wave? Click your heels together and do a magic trick? Please, someone show me the ways of the socially capable.

Let’s say you’re having an average conversation with another human being over coffee or in passing on the street, and the other person doesn’t break eye contact once. Are you supposed to hold their gaze the whole time? Is it a power play, like whomever looks away first loses? It’s just disconcerting when people give off the vibe that they’re really interested in what you have to say. I’m talking about the exam I had yesterday. You cannot be that interested! Meeting someone who genuinely cares and listens to you (and shows that they care and that they are listening to you) as you talk about how you forgot to put two matching socks on this morning is an infrequent phenomenon. And it’s sort of strange! How could anyone be that nice?

I have two different colored eyes, and every time someone notices, I have to look them straight in the eye for a while as they examine me. I hate that. Have you ever had someone not look at you but look at your irises? Let me tell you, it’s bizarre. I’ve been talking to people about it for 19 years and still don’t know what to say.

Eye contact is something that should be taught, like public speaking. If someone had programmed it into me when I was a kid, maybe I wouldn’t be so socially inept now.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

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