At the risk of permanently destroying my carefully manicured image, I would like to make a confession: I am guilty of making pop culture references that I am not at all qualified to make. Maybe this means that I’m a terrible person. Maybe it just means that I’m stealthy and sneaky, like the cool spy kid I always wanted to be (which is funny because I’ve never seen Spy Kids). It’s not that I’m above admitting that I’m woefully uneducated in the popular (and even unpopular) media department. I can own that. In the past fifteen months, I have seen exactly two movies in theaters, and not many more outside of theaters. I know there have been good movies. I know that I would probably love some of them. So yeah, keep telling me that I have to go see X,Y, and Z. I’ll smile and nod, but don’t hold your breath—it’s not happening.
And as for TV shows? I’m currently watching Friends for the first time if that tells you anything. (So much. It should tell you so much.) My knowledge of early-2000s PBS shows is decent (Between the Lions still has my heart), and I’m well versed in the joys of the Food Network, but staying up to date with anything recent is just too much for me.
Celebrities? My knowledge of them is a complete joke too. I was talking to someone about how great Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are, and then I realized I don’t think I’ve actually seen either of them act in anything. I’ve just seen a few too many “Celebrity Couples Who Make Us Believe In Love Again” listicles, and so I feel like I know them personally. What a fraud I am.
Somehow, my brain has still amassed a collection of random characters, movies, and anecdotes to sprinkle into conversation and writing. I’ve definitely pulled this stunt in Rib posts—that Frozen reference? Yeah, I’ve never seen Frozen. Sue me. But I also don’t live under a rock, so I know that there’s a snowman named Olaf and a reindeer named Sven and an obnoxiously catchy song called “Let It Go,” and that’s been enough to get me through so far.
So where does all of this knowledge come from? If I wanted to remain mysterious, I’d offer you the vague explanation that my family often uses: “I read a lot.” But since I’m already baring my soul to you with this confession, there’s really no point hiding the rest of it. A lot of it comes from Buzzfeed quizzes and listicles—Which Celebrity Couple Are Your and Your BFFL, Which Disney Princess’s Shoes Are You, 18 Gifs from 90s Sitcoms That All Younger Siblings Will Relate To, etc., etc. It’s amazing how much mindless, scrollable media a spongy brain with a still-developing prefrontal cortex can absorb. I’ve also stored a lot of references from episodes of Gilmore Girls (they pack a lot into forty-two minutes), tabloid headlines in the grocery store checkout line, and shameless borrowing of the pop culture “with-it-ness” of my much hipper friends. I catalog their infinite wisdom and save it for a rainy day.
Do you want to be just like me? Honestly, it’s pretty easy. I recommend a healthy twenty minutes of pop culture exercise every day—watch some #educational and #wholesome Snap stories, scroll through Buzzfeed, ask your friends about the latest episode of [Insert Relevant Show Name Here], watch celebrities play silly games with Jimmy Fallon. And then start dropping those references like you’ve got nothing to lose. Once you start, it’s hard to stop. Sort of like how when the balloon house in Up starts going up, it just won’t stop. (Is that what happens? I’ve never seen Up, but I know there are balloons on a house and I’m assuming they are supposed to make it float…) And remember, don’t shoot for the stars if you’re not ready, because then you might end up stranded in space like Matt Damon. Nailed it.
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