Winter is coming. No, this is not an article about everyone’s favorite medieval dragon porn soap opera, “Game Of Thrones.” I’ve never even seen the show, and I’m staying strong for as long as I can, though I realize that the end of my revolt is nigh. I can resist the aggressive haranguing and crazed ravings of everyone in the entire first world for only so long….But I digress. What I want to discuss today is a different, most essential sign of the changing season, a classic harbinger of the coming Siberian cold front.
They’re cute. They’re warm. Sometimes they’re weird. And as of late, they’re everywhere!
I’m talking about socks.
There are all sorts of socks: old socks, new socks, red socks, blue socks. All right, I’m clearly no Dr.Seus, but seriously, soooooo many socks! With oodles an oodles of choices, what might your sock selection say about you?
The Basic Footie: I think I can safely say that the vast majority of us rely on a hearty supply of these little socklets to get us through life. These fabric-conserving foot coverings are the perfect recipe for just about any activity: going to the gym in your fancy new Nikes, pretending to go to the gym in your fancy new Nikes, or even just taking your trash down to the basement because it seems gross to go barefoot and you’re too lazy to lace up. If you’re a footie-er, you probably like flexibility and versatility. You like to live life on the edge and are constantly on the go. Maybe you are environmentally sensitive and like a variety of color options for your foot garnishings.
Lacrosse Socks: Let me start out by saying, that I’ve always envied you a little, Lacrosse-Sock-Wearing Girl. You look so cool with your socks that stretch to the perfect height without the cumbersome necessity of folding. The one problem with your choice of sock is that they can only be worn with gym shoes. That’s not a problem for you, though, because you are most likely ultra fit and go running a minimum of twice daily. Maybe you even play for the lacrosse team. If you don’t, though, you have all of us fooled. As much as I, and probably many other footwear misfits, desperately want to be part of your athletic-sock-donning crew of cool cats, I just don’t have the calf muscles to rock that look.
Themed Socks: You, my friend, are the very best kind of person. You possess a certain spark, a real zeal for life and all its wondrous possibilities — like socks with ghosts on them, or the upper half of an ostrich, or ones that are designed to look like a reindeer is eating your foot (I have these and they are fantastic… they’re perfect for Christmas and we can twin!). I would very much like to be your best friend, because it is clear from the crazy pattern of animals on your feet that you are spontaneous and like to have fun. You probably have a sunny sense of humor and smile all the time. You definitely also love the element of surprise. Because everyone knows the best thing about wearing wacky socks is the moment of reveal, and the corresponding oohs and ahhs of all your admiring onlookers. That’s how you win people over.
Fuzzy Socks: I commend you, wearer of fuzzy socks. You aren’t a very common commodity because your levels of courage and self-confidence are rare. If you are wearing fuzzy socks out in public, you either have poor circulation in your feet, or you are a badass bitch and no one messes with you. In truth, though, each and every one of us has a pair or two of fuzzy socks that we wear in secret. Deep down we all resonate with your love of comfort. But you make us proud with your fearlessness and poise. Keep doing you, you sassy silly sock señorita (With alliteration of that caliber, maybe I am qualified to be the next Dr.Seus).
No Socks: It’s forty degrees out. You’re either very weird, partially insane, or suffering from a severe case of pinched nerves in your lower extremities. Or maybe you just really want to show off your gorgeous new pedicure. In any event, unless you are praying for a nasty case of pneumonia, you might consider investing in one or more of the endless sock options available to you as first snow quickly approaches.
There you have it folks, your sock personalities explained like never before. If somehow you were left out of these categories, don’t fret. You need not be broken sock-ed forever. There are plenty of socks in the sea (try Urban Outfitters). Happy hunting!
Image via.
I can only guess your socks say about you..!! LOL… Fun article with laughable things to think about.. But you forgot the other category…the “mismatched socks” group…where you don’t care if it’s fuzzy, basic, themed, or Lacrosse…you just want any sock to keep your feet warm..!!