The big day is finally here! You’re a year older, and you know what that means – Time for another painstakingly slow rendition of “Happy Birthday!” Here are 5 small crafts to keep you occupied while your well-meaning friends torture you through song.
- Paper Snowflake
Don’t let your summer birthday keep you from this craft. Rest assured that by the time this song ends, the Earth’s rotational axis will have tilted away from the sun, thus returning the hemisphere to an icy winterscape! Turn those gritted teeth into a forced smile while you work, even though your friends don’t understand that their lackluster start has turned a potentially upbeat jam into a dragging marathon of song. Using your scissors will not only allow you to create intricate designs, but also to avoid painfully intense eye contact with friends and family.
- Tissue Paper Flowers
Tissue Paper Flowers are perfect for somber events like funerals and, apparently, this birthday! Allow the dirge in the background to influence the style and speed of your crafting. Creating various types of flowers is a great way to challenge yourself if the challenge of living through this downtempo cacophony isn’t enough. It’s also a cool way to distract from the fact that your squad never really “found Do.” They may not be able to agree on a starting note, but they’ll definitely agree on your artistic talent!
- Whittle Wood
Fight the urge to crack under the extended scrutiny of your peers by whittling wood! You may think this is too advanced, but you also used to think you wanted attention on your big day, and look where that got you. Rather than squirm through the incessant racket, channel your discomfort into a whittled cross commemorating the unsettling similarities between this moment and the church services you silently attended in your youth. Feel free to direct prayers for the termination of this song towards said cross.
If you want to take matters into your own hands, you can even whittle a conductor’s baton to intervene with this tempo situation. You can’t stop this torture, but you can increase the beats per minute. Or if you’re cool with the lack of foresight that ruined your celebratory song, try crafting a sun dial. Just because you have to endure this elegy doesn’t mean you can’t keep track of the time!
- Dreamcatcher
Your sanity’s not the only thing hangin’ by a thread around here! Use string to craft a dreamcatcher and maybe, just maybe it will end this nightmare of a song. Although the gang isn’t really nailing the octave jump during the climax, you are really nailing your craft to the wall, and that’s… something. So okay, the song’s pretty pitchy, but look on the bright side: Maybe your craft will catch your new dream of being born on leap day!
- Sock Puppet
Wow, they’re still singing? Okay, uh, how about a sock puppet? You can really exercise your creativity here. What’s that I hear? Is it the sound of inspiration striking? Nope, just your BFF Eliza’s strident soprano voice piercing through the chorus. She never did know how to blend. Well, the end is nowhere in sight, and you’re already in the nightmare; you may as well close your eyes and rest. Life hack alert: Glue the leftover googly eyes to your eyelids to keep up appearances during your slumber. If they keep this tempo going, you may even hit the REM stage!