Skinny baby does not pass the vibe check, according to a new study from Rutgers University and secured exclusively by reporters at The Rib of Brown.
According to the World Health Organization, a vibe check is “the spontaneous assessment of the vibes of a person, place, or thing.” And though it has long been suspected that skinny babies do not pass the check, this is the first comprehensive study to suggest the phenomenon is indeed scientifically sound.
This study was originally part of a year long-endeavor to determine the vibes of different babies. However, after discovering that the skinny baby (a four month old, referred to in the report by his pseudonym Spaghetti), had only nine percent good vibes, the researchers decided to change the course of the study altogether. With the support of additional researchers from Princeton University, they set out to discover whether this was an anomaly, or suggestive of a more prominent global trend.
The results were staggering. Not only did the original skinny baby not pass the vibe check, but 92 percent of all skinny babies also failed to meet the vibe check criteria (a minimum of 69 percent good vibes, according to a 2011 study from Japan).
Importantly, the groundbreaking study notes that the definition of “skinny,” when it comes to babies, is different from that of older human beings. Though the term traditionally refers to an overall low body fat percentage and thin bone structure, in babies this is not necessarily the case.
Researchers explained that concerned parents can check whether their baby is technically categorized as skinny (and therefore likely not to pass the vibe check) by pinching their chubby little cheeks between their thumb and index finger. If there is more than half an inch of cheek fat between their fingers, it is likely the baby does not suffer from being skinny. Additionally, researchers assured parents that babies with rolling, biteable thighs and thick little sausage fingers were also most likely not skinny.
Additionally, the study warned that just because a baby is not skinny, does not mean they inherently pass the vibe check. Other notable reasons a baby might not pass the vibe check include having too much or too little hair, being dressed in highly gendered clothing, or being named something stupid like X Æ A-Xii or Paisley.
photo via Ari Brown