It’s that time of year again, ladies! The nights grow cold yet the clothing comes off as we squeeze into our favorite sexy costumes for multiple upcoming Halloween parties. “But,” you ask, “how can I dress provocatively without being as generic as a cat or policewoman?” Don’t worry. Here are some of my favorite ideas for your next All Hallows Eve getup.
Sexy Statue of Liberty
Nothing spells freedom like constricting your boobs in the bra that maybe fit you three years ago, the sole purpose of which is to elicit the ever-coveted “dance floor make out.”
Dora the Erotic Explorer
As if Toddlers and Tiaras wasn’t enough to sexualize children, now you can revisit the little girl who taught you every Spanish word you know. Unfortunately, none of us will look nearly as good as Jessica Alba, but we Brownies can try.
Lusty Left Shark
Make the right decision and go left. Steal the spotlight; you’re worth it.
Lecherous Lampshade
Everyone remembers the vivid sexual awakening they had when watching A Christmas Story for the first time, right? Wait…no? Well, with this gem you’re guaranteed to win a major award!
Credit Card
Remind yourself of the impending debt you face, then spend a lot of money on this glitzy costume.
Edgar Allan Hoe
Dark and spooky poems about the inevitable horror and relief of sweet, sweet death? Sounds tantalizing! If there are any Annabel Lee’s out there, I’m forcing you to don this beauty.
Spicy With
Celebrate your school pride and inevitable not-so-sober trip to Jo’s with this homage to the world’s second-best chicken sandwich (Popeye’s has a special place in my heart and stomach). I will legitimately pay you twenty dollars if you agree to spice up the party with this crowd-pleaser.
Looking for more in The Rib’s costume department? Check out these if you’re looking to go with a cutie this Halloween, these if you’re looking to REALLY scare, and these if, you know, you’re kind of lazy.
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