I used to love reading the news, but now I absolutely hate it. Why? Because everything sucks.
In all seriousness, it can be really hard to maintain a sense of humor when it feels like the world is ending all the time. I’m not even joking when I say that I feel mildly nauseated every time I see a news alert from the New York Times, the Washington Post, or CNN flash across my phone. It’s really hard work to stay updated and to keep track of new information when the process of reading news is so emotionally draining—but it’s nothing that a well-constructed listicle can’t fix. So, here are my well-researched tips on how to read the news without feeling like Grade A trash on the inside:
1. Use face masks to your advantage
It’s a well known fact that face masks are the most emotionally oppressive things in the world. When you have one on, you can’t raise your eyebrows or flare your nostrils or scream without losing valuable product– which is why they are perfect for suppressing your feelings while reading the news. Not only can you engage in super important self care and stay updated on the latest crises, you can do them both while feeling literally zero emotion.
2. Talk to your 10th grade biology lab partner about it
Ugh, it’s been like so long since you’ve caught up with Brad from 10th grade bio. Sure, he’s vaguely racist, but talking to him about Trump’s latest garbage over Twitter or Facebook gives you a rare opportunity to venture outside your “elitist liberal bubble” and take on the real world! <3
3. Tweet about it
Use this platform to issue snappy but emotionally-heartfelt tweets featuring your hot takes on the most recent politically charged train wreck. Not only is the act of tweeting cathartic, but studies show that every time you tweet your reaction to the news, politicians are 172% more likely to take your desired course of action on the issue*!
*189% more likely when you use the appropriate #hashtag. #stopKony
4. Text your mom about it
Let’s be real, you haven’t called her in days, and at this point she’d appreciate anything from you even if you’re just trying to unpack all the light traumas you received this morning from picking up the New York Times.
5. Express your feelings through surrealist memes
Instead of asking ‘What is politics?’ have you considered asking ‘Why is politics?’
6. Purchase a Yankee Candle that just really gets you
This isn’t sponsored content, but Yankee Candles are smelly in a good way. Also, I looked at three websites and apparently candles are the golden solution to existential crises so that’s pretty neat. Definitely buy a candle, preferably a Yankee one. I recommend ‘All is Bright’ which is “a blend of sparkling citrus scents drifting on warm musk.” I don’t know about you, but I definitely want to drift on warm musk when I’m reading about the next government shutdown.
Images via Sarah Clapp, Priyanka P, and via.