Minutes from Providence City Government Meeting, March 2015
Mayor: I call this meeting to order. Secretary, the minutes from February’s meeting?
Secretary: We discussed Phase 3 of Initiative 5967, which would fund the distribution of refrigerator magnets with the “Providence Composts!” logo. Do I hear a motion to approve?
Treasurer: Motion to approve.
Marketing Consultant: I second that.
Secretary: Excellent, so that passes. I’ll send Jerry the graphics and hopefully we can roll that out before Earth Day.
Mayor: Good, good. Providence is the Creative Capital, after all! Art on every fridge, that’s what I say.
Marketing Consultant: Excuse me, Mr. Mayor.
Mayor: Yes, Donna?
Marketing Consultant: Is has come to my attention that, despite our aggressive magnet branding program, we are falling behind other cities in terms of public perception of sustainability. I think we might want to step back from meaningful environmental action and look more deeply at symbolic steps that look good in the media.
Mayor: Interesting. I like that. In fact just the other day, I was talking to the Mayor of Portland, Oregon.
Treasurer: *Gasp!* The Mecca of green living!
Mayor: Yes, well, he was telling me about all this de-paving going on to mitigate the harmful effects of stormwater, and a flourishing urban agriculture movement…
Marketing Consultant: Mr. Mayor, if I may cut in for a moment, I agree that Portland’s got some good ideas. But de-paving? Urban agriculture? I mean, with all due respect, sir, I think what this city needs is something a little less expensive and a little more photogenic.
Mayor: Hm, I see what you’re saying. You know, Portland has the record for the largest tree hug. In 2013, they got 936 people to hug trees at the same time.
Marketing Consultant: That’s perfect! If we get 1,000 we’ll be so cool!
Treasurer: It’s also much more cost effective to focus on the trees we already have rather than trying to get a whole bunch of new ones.
Mayor: Are we sure that’s enough, though? I mean, should we be thinking about other environmental records we want to break?
Treasurer: What about most people wearing tie-dye shirts at the same time? That’s kind of crunchy, right?
Marketing Consultant: I love it! We can call it “Providence Dyes!”
Mayor: I like this direction we’re going in, Donna. Maybe we could start a social media campaign with people holding signs that say “Providence Cares!”
Treasurer: I’ve always wanted to make a low budget video montage of smiling, beautiful people riding bikes as the sunlight filters through the trees and caresses their shining hair. “Providence Rides!”
Marketing Consultant: Nice. Is there a way to incorporate rocks in here somewhere? Because “Providence Rocks!” has such a nice ring to it.
Treasurer: We could spell it out with rocks from that contaminated quarry.
Mayor: Great idea! Secretary, are you getting this down with large colored markers on an oversized sheet of poster paper?
Secretary: I was just typing it on my laptop, sir.
Mayor: Go get the brainstorming kit, would you? My ideas seem so much more valid when they’re written in giant purple letters.
Marketing Consultant: You know what else I bet Portland hasn’t done? Have 1,000 people singing, “This Land is Your Land” while holding hands and swaying gently.
Mayor: “Providence Sings!”
Secretary: Ooh, I got one. “Providence Blows!”
Mayor: Excuse me?!
Secretary: Yeah, wind power!
Treasurer: Too expensive.
Mayor: Terrible name.
Marketing Consultant: Come on, secretary, renewable energy? That’s not nearly cutesy enough for our purposes. Unless you can get me a photomontage of at least 500 multiracial Providence single dads with their children perched on their shoulders laughing beneath a forest of silver turbines, I don’t think so.
Secretary: Sorry, it was just an idea.
Mayor: Moving on, then. I propose that we make “Providence Hugs Trees!” our first priority, and then we move on to the other ones once we’ve put Portland in its place.
Marketing Consultant: Excellent. I’ll get in touch with the press right away.
Mayor: Meeting adjourned.
Added in at a later date by Secretary:
http://www.ecori.org/green-groups/2015/3/12/providence-wants-tree-hugging-record
Image via.
