There’s only one responsible way to handle a major life decision: by making a list comparing pros, cons, and other considerations. Here are your pros and cons lists for the next one to four years of your life.
Choosing between classes:
| Class A | Class B |
| Pro: No tests | Con: Final on Christmas Eve |
| Con: No boys | Pro: Hot boys (not that I ever make class friends, but they’re nice to look at) |
| Con: Not even a single 3rd-degree aquaintance in class | Pro: Class is full of friends and roommates. If I break both legs, they will carry me there. Also, they take notes. |
| Pro: Explores a deep lifelong interest | Pro: Easy A that knocks out a concentration requirement |
| You have to actually know the material. Not sure if this is a pro or a con. | Con: Participation is 80% of grade |
| Pro/Con: Teacher is hot, but has terrible handwriting and speaks in a monotone | Pro/Con: Teacher is highly quotable and adept with technology, but you never can tell what will actually be on the test |
| Con: Group Projects | Con: Tests |
| Pro: Meets once a week | Con: Meets three time a week |
| Con: Meets from 8am-12pm. If hungover, will perish | Pro: Meets at a magical hour that allows you to sleep all morning and yet doesn’t interfere with lunchtime. |
Choosing between jobs:
| Job A | Job B |
| Big company. After exhaustive research, I have yet to determine whether this is a pro or a con. | Small Company. See big company. |
| Pro: Fall Start date | Con: Start work the day after graduation |
| Pro: Definitely full of hot young people | Con: Possibly only a handful of old weirdos. Maybe a diamond in the rough, though. |
| Con: Will spend days color-coding spreadsheets | Pro: Will do meaningful work |
| Lukewarm Pro: Tangentially related to long term goals | Dazzling Pro: Direct fullfillment of lifelong dreams |
| Pro: Free gym access | Con: Near-certain asbestos in office walls |
| Pro: Livable salary | Con: Might as well be paid in sacks of potatoes |
| Con: Open office floor plan (no porn @lunch) | Pro: A nice corner to lurk in |
| Relative Con: Located in a cool city with bad weather | Pro: Located in a cool city with good weather |
| Relative Pro: Hazes new hires by making them take shots | Serious Con: Hazes new hires by making them drink arsenic |
| Dubious Factoid: CEO is also a semi-pro snake charmer | There really is no partner consideration for this one. |
Choosing between cities to live in after graduation:
| City A | City B |
| Con: occasional winter | Con: frequent, though minor, fireball showers |
| Con: Too much brunch | Con: Not enough brunch |
| Con: frequent dog poop in the streets | Con: occasional human poop in the streets |
| Close to home. Time will tell if this is a pro or a con. | Might as well be located on neptune. |
| Con: Sidewalks are a disagreeable color | Pro: Really awesome and unique selection of candy available everywhere. |
| Pro: Free wifi everywhere! Incl. underground | Pro: A beach |
| Pro: Public transportation that literally goes everywhere, at temperatures meant to support human life. | Con: Public transportation only in the form of free unicycles |
| Con: Where can I find a nice, cheap place to live? | Con: I still don’t know how to find a decent place to live. |
You’re welcome.
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