by Yuri Iwahara
It seems like almost everyone around me is unreasonably excited for the fall season. It’s unnerving how even the normally jaded souls around me will suddenly turn bright and perky when they start saying things like “It’s finally sweater weather!” or “Let’s go apple picking this weekend!”
Let’s break this down.
First of all, if you’re going to say that you just love pumpkin, then you better damn well commit to it. Remember when Starbucks released a statement saying that pumpkin spice lattes don’t even have pumpkin in it? There’s something wrong with the fact that people didn’t care, and just continued to worship them. And why are you suddenly excited about making those pumpkin muffins you found on Pinterest when all you’ve ever cooked is the occasional scrambled eggs? You know they’re not going to turn out well. You’re a terrible cook, and the magic of fall is not going to change that. Drink a bottle of pumpkin ale and call it a day.
You want to go apple picking? Fine, but if all you’re going to do is take pictures of yourself being “rustic” for Instagram then stop yourself now. Does it make you feel good about yourself? Is picking these apples supposed to make you feel like you’re actually working for your food? (You’re not.) Once, I went strawberry picking in a cute little field in the Adirondacks and ate the strawberries as I picked them. I found teeny gray slugs on the underside of one strawberry. After that, I never went strawberry picking again. I’ve no doubt that bugs like apples just as much as they like strawberries.
The truth is, fall means the end of summer. It’s getting cold. It’s the first week of October and it’s already dipping into the 50s. Facilities hasn’t even turned the heat on yet. For the past few nights, I have literally gone to bed in sweatpants, a sweatshirt, my bathrobe, and burrito-ed in my comforter. It’s not pleasant.
Stop romanticizing fall like it’s the most magical time of the year. That level of enthusiasm is reserved for Christmas only. And if you find yourself tempted to use the hashtag #fallingforfall, please do the world a favor and reconsider your actions.
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