When I imagined life in college, I dreamed of lounging on a sprawling green lawn laughing with incredibly diverse friends and watching other incredibly diverse people play Frisbee. So basically I had seen a bunch of propaganda pamphlets in my mail. Somewhere along the way, I forgot about the main purpose of going to a university: weeping in a study lounge getting an education.
One day while on my study grind (note: different from my dance floor grind), I spied a flirty study couple—nothing unusual. Suddenly, the beanie wearing Romeo leaned in and kissed Juliet’s shoulder. I was completely stunned. This was totally NSFSL (not safe for study lounge) behavior! On a Tuesday, no less!
I realize this seems like a serious overreaction. A shoulder kiss? Really? To be fair it is a little bit untraditional, but it is mainly very innocent and sweetly affectionate. But that’s the weird thing. Hookup culture is the norm, and I’ve forgotten that there are alternatives. I wasn’t surprised when a frat hosted a porn-watching party. I wasn’t surprised when everyone playing “Never Have I Ever” admitted to having hooked up with two or more people in one night. I wasn’t even surprised when my phone flashlight illuminated grotesque grinding in the club while looking for my friend’s keys (I was horrified, but I wasn’t surprised).
But a shoulder kiss is different from engaging in tongue warfare. It implies an emotional connection. Admitting to FEELINGS? Are you kidding me? Don’t you understand we live in a generation fueled by false apathy?
Affection is the Achilles’ heel to my PDA tolerance. So, please, if you ever even think about holding hands in the Blue Room, warn me a few weeks in advance.
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