“The Golden Bachelor” Causes Spike in Crushes on Ancient Professors
He's sexy AND old!
Student Whose Phone Went off in “Absolute Quiet Room” Escorted Away by Men in Suits, Now Missing for 7 Days
Last Tuesday, freshman Ann Oing went missing. She was last spotted in the “Absolute Quiet Room” of the John D. Rockefeller library. Witnesses to the...
Shocking News! Local Woman Does Not Smile When Told to
In an astounding turn of events that defied all known laws of physics and psychology, a woman did not obey the age-old decree of “Give...
The Barbies and Kens of BrownU!
This Barbie wears brown and rocks it! #gobruno
Your Family Weekend Guide to Bagging A DILF
Date or daughter? We'll get back to you.
UFB To Give Student Clubs 2 Cigarette Butts and Dead Fish In Lieu of Funding
Breaking: UFB enters its flop era!
Fuck Diet Culture, I’ll Eat Microplastics if I Want!
Microbiome filled with plastic, life’s fantastic!
SAO Launches New Program ‘StepDown to Hazing’
Anywho, viva la hazing!
How to Stay Fed Off Meal Plan
After 3 years of being coddled like a helpless infant, coming off meal plan is truly such a rude awakening. But have no fear! Here...
My Thoughts on the Met Gala (WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL!!!)
If, like myself, you have been finding every possible means of procrastinating your finals, then you probably saw at least some of the Met Gala...