Student Feeling Up Fruit in Andrews Like It’s Farmers Market
“It was incredibly intimate in a way that made me deeply uncomfortable, but also strangely sad.” One witness lamented, “She was never going to find...
“Let’s Meet in the Perelman Arts District!” And Other Useful Phrases for Getting Out of Plans
The Perelman Arts District is an extremely vaguely defined region, making it the perfect place to schedule a meet-up with your least favourite friend –...
BREAKING, Shit-spicions confirmed: Fox News reveals Poo-no statue an elaborate prank
Tucker Carlson has been playing the long game. Who could have predicted that a bronze shit-shaped commentary on what we put on pedestals is in...
“The Golden Bachelor” Causes Spike in Crushes on Ancient Professors
He's sexy AND old!
Student Whose Phone Went off in “Absolute Quiet Room” Escorted Away by Men in Suits, Now Missing for 7 Days
Last Tuesday, freshman Ann Oing went missing. She was last spotted in the “Absolute Quiet Room” of the John D. Rockefeller library. Witnesses to the...
Shocking News! Local Woman Does Not Smile When Told to
In an astounding turn of events that defied all known laws of physics and psychology, a woman did not obey the age-old decree of “Give...
The Barbies and Kens of BrownU!
This Barbie wears brown and rocks it! #gobruno
Your Family Weekend Guide to Bagging A DILF
Date or daughter? We'll get back to you.
UFB To Give Student Clubs 2 Cigarette Butts and Dead Fish In Lieu of Funding
Breaking: UFB enters its flop era!
Fuck Diet Culture, I’ll Eat Microplastics if I Want!
Microbiome filled with plastic, life’s fantastic!