So, it’s cuffing szn. Luckily, texting is easy, breezy, beautiful fun for us well-adjusted, super chill college students who overthink nothing, are super chill, well-adjusted and super chill. Right? Nope 🙂 Every time I send a text, something inside of me chunders and dies.
With that, we invite you to write and overthink a text in your notes app (only once you’ve cross-referenced and analysed it in a group chat with your seven closest friends, obviously). Choose A, B, or C, (minding crucial differences between words such as ‘haha’, ‘hahah’, and ‘ahah’) and once we tally up your results, we’ll send you a half-assed reply a couple hours later.
1. Category is, What are you up to tonight?
A: Hey 🙂 what are you up to tonight?
B: Heyyyyy! Haven’t seen you in a hot minute haha. You mentioned you had a paper coming up two weeks ago, so maybe that’s it haha. Are you going out tonight? I think I will probably haha classic meeeeee. I heard soccer is happening? And my friend is having a pre-game but I’m sure you could come, like, if you wanted to or not if you didn’t want to haha. Anyways, I saw this gif and it reminded me of you. Stay warm! Isn’t it so cold outside? Lmk.
C: wyd tn
2. Category is, Let’s hangout
A: Hey 🙂 it’s been forever, wanna grab lunch?
B: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I literally feel like the last time I saw you, I was riding a dinosaur and discovering the wheel haha. I know two months ago, you said you were taking an econ class this semester and that sounds hardddd so you probably have sections a lot or like a problem set, but if you don’t- and if you do it’s fine- but if you don’t have anything going on we should eat lunch together haha. Anyways, I saw this game on facebook messenger and it totally reminded me of you, I bet you could beat my score though haha. Wrap up! It’s literally frigid right now I hate Providence. Hmu.
C: wyd tn
3. Category is, What are we?
A: Hey 🙂 can we meet up to chat?
B: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Let me paint you a picture. A hospital room, bleak and sterile. Mother, groaning, pain like a pulse, the weakened body. Push! Push! they shout, as the babe- squealing, bloody, and raw- slips into the world. That’s literally when it feels like I last saw you haha! When I was being born! I know on your ASK advising homepage you said you were thinking about PoliSci as a concentration, and like, these are trying times in the world right now so I get if you’re all wrapped up in that. In case you aren’t, like, in that headspace I think we should define what this is very specifically and meet up and chat and stuff or not if you’re, like, busy or going to, like, lacrosse or smth. Anyways, I was walking through the Main Green this morning and the wind whispered your name. Totally thought of you. The weather is insane! It was warm during the summer, and now that it’s winter it’s cold? Isn’t weather crazy? Lmk.
C: wyd tn
If you picked,
Mostly As: LmaooOo, you think that because you sent a thought-out text with a smiley face that you win? Nice try, beta. You receive a ‘sorry who is this?‘ text two days later. During that time, you send screenshots of your conversation to anyone with an ounce of empathy and/or a SIM card. At least you have your dignity (?)
Mostly Bs: If you picked any of these I have already reported you to DPS. Your mom is asking about you, too. You should call your mom.
Mostly Cs: You definitely went out of your way to disable automatic caps in your settings, and would not be caught dead using punctuation. You receive a ‘idk, econ hw‘ at 3am. Bro, he’s literally obsessed with you.
Happy cuffing szn, and to all a super chill night.
Image via Sindu Sriram