On Google Docs and Intimacy

There is an undiscussed phenomenon that I refuse to ignore any longer. I write this in hopes of sorting out my complicated feelings and standing in solidarity with the millions of people who have felt the same. I’m speaking up – addressing the elephant in the chatroom, if you will.

I am referring to the sexual tension felt while two people view a Google doc at the same time.

To clarify: This is not the same thing as collaborating with a pal on a project via Google doc. This is not the same thing as sharing a doc with a group, giving multiple people the chance to view information all at once. For me, the sparks fly only when I open a document to find one singular icon keeping me company. Let’s talk through the process.

A Google document is shared with me. I know I have to read it and add my thoughts. I open the doc and begin to read, but suddenly feel goosebumps developing. It seems I am not alone. I look to the top of the document and see the icon of a letter representing someone’s name. The second their name appears their presence is impossible to ignore. I can no longer focus on the words or information. The dynamic has shifted and there’s no going back.

I try desperately to stay on task, but I am struck by the fact that though we are in separate places and have not coordinated, we are both reading the same thing at the same time. A strange sense of intimacy ensues as I realize that it’s just me, them, and the words.

So I panic. Sure, I’m interested in the other person’s experience, but I’m also uncomfortable and hyperaware. What are they thinking? Do they notice me scrolling? What if I make a typo and they see? The stress is heightened by the fact that we have the ability to communicate. I know if I write out a message, the other person can see it and respond. My heart is pounding by this point. Surely they feel the tension, too. Should I say something? Why do I feel the need to type “What are you wearing?” followed by a winky face?

I am now furious. In the time that I should have been doing my homework, this person has hijacked my thoughts. I have been re-reading the same sentence while picturing them in their room, drinking a cup of coffee on their bed as they scroll. I want to be angry with my companion, but I’m too busy thinking about how we’ll look back on this poignant moment at our 50^th wedding anniversary party.

Finally, the tension is too great. I feel compelled to act, but before I can type out my pick up line the icon disappears. I thought we had something. I thought we connected. I had eyes only for their icon, yet they dropped me faster than an overzealous EDM artist drops a beat. I thought we were partners in crime, but apparently I was their insignificant other.

In the wake of my abandonment, I create a new term: Doculation (noun) – The feeling of intimacy between two people simultaneously viewing a Google doc. I don’t despair for too long, though, because I know this will happen again. Maybe on the same document. I will let it happen. The heart wants what the heart wants! So whether or not you’ve experienced doculation, next time you share a doc with me… Well, you’ll know what I’m thinking.

Image via and via Kayla Kirk.