In imagining my perfect junior year life, my mental wanderings have all included two key features: (1.) living off-campus (2.) with some sort of creature-companion. As I recently received notice that I am #217 on the waitlist for off-campus housing, the former is looking potentially dubious, but I hear nothing leads to more change than blind hope in the system—so here’s to hope!! This potentially disheartening news, however, hasn’t stopped my internal considerations (and notebook doodling) of what would be the best pet to have while in college. So, please refer to this detailed pros/cons list the next time you’re faced with the tough decision of which pet to (potentially illegally) harbor in your ramen-riddled abode.
1. Cat
Pros: If you acquire its love you’re actually special—few experiences are more gratifying than achieving a purring cat; Natural rat poison; Can be simultaneously the cutest and weirdest part of your home a là
Cons: Might claw your face to shreds while you sleep; Kinda passive-aggressive—has the personality of a hormonal tween at all times and will not listen to what you ask it to do (on purpose probably); Likely to vomit a hairball on your favorite shirt
2. Dog
Pros: Will unendingly love you as long as you just breathe; Can tell when midterms are slowly (and effectively) eating away at your happiness and you need some extra snuggles; Great vehicle by which to make friends (you’ll never have to do the whole awkward conversation initiating thing)
Cons: Has to be walked around to poo (even in the winter!!!); They’ll get suuuuper lonely and whiny if you’re not there with them during the day—talk about needy; Likely to destroy various parts of your home, then look at you with such googly eyes that you can’t even be mad at them
3. Parrot
Pros: Beautifully colored; Get to watch it fly around your home (get pooped on in your own room!); A being to talk to when you’re lonely and you can almost completely convince yourself that they understand you
Cons: Will repeat embarrassing phrases you say in private in front of guests (Such as, suddenly revealing how excited you were on the phone talking to your friend about your potential love interest to said being!); Beak! Bites!!
4. Gecko
Pros: Kinda weird looking, so you’re more attractive by default; Nocturnal, so a lovely companion for all of the all-nighters you pull
Cons: Having to watch them devour live crickets before your very eyes; Based on several internet sources, it appears that reptile-ownership is analogous to drug addiction (?). Refer to this quote for explanation: “I started out with klemmeriday geckos, then I expanded into cepediana. I promised myself that it would end there, but when my reptile dealer had some electric blue geckos available, I just couldn’t resist. Now I feel that life is just too grey without a panther chameleon. Where will this end?” via.
5. Mouse/Gerbil/Hamster
Pros: Can acquire one without even paying—just leave out some food on your floor and they’ll show up in no time!!
Cons: They make disconcerting chewing noises while you’re trying to sleep; The squeaking ceases to be cute pretty quickly; You’re supporting a small rodent living in your space—isn’t this supposed to be avoided??
6. Ferret
Any cons are completely outweighed by the fact that this could be going on in your house: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YD_PR2IHH4
7. Fish
Pros:
Cons: Breathing evidence that you’re lame.
Too bad I’ll probably be living on campus next year and my only pets will be uninvited mice :’-).
Image via.