I am at some social gathering and we end up playing “Never Have I Ever.” How this evening took a turn in this direction, I don’t know, but I wish it hadn’t. There is too much anxiety brought on by this game to the point where, for me, it is not enjoyable. And when, at this social gathering, I take a poll of who actually likes the game, everyone agrees: they never want to play it. We need to stop playing this game. #StopNeverHaveIEver2K15. Let’s get this trending people. Oh, and I have many reasons why.
Hypothetical situation: you’re now playing “Never Have I Ever” with a bunch of people you have just met. To make things worse, let’s say it’s the first week of college and you’re at a pregame where the host desperately needs a game to play in order to keep people in his/her room and solidify his/her new reputation. You’re also sweating profusely from all the people in the room and the lack of air conditioning in the dorm (not that that has anything to do with why I hate the game, but it just makes the situation that much worse). The second you agree to play, you have sold your soul. You can tell no one wants to play, but you have no idea where any parties are on campus, so technically you’re in no rush. The host is now super excited – he/she states that now we’re going to “finally turn up.” Now you need to think of something cool that you haven’t done (some type of hard drug that you will never try in your entire life because not only are you terrified, but also your mother would disown you if she ever found out you did said drug). But it can’t be something that you think everyone has done (why has everyone gone skinny-dipping? I guess that just wasn’t a thing from where I’m from). Then, you’ll be judged hard-core if you think of something totally kinky and scandalous (if I mention some Urban Dictionary sex term, people will think I troll that website! Disclaimer: I don’t. I just use it when someone mentions something that sounds perfectly normal like a “chicken cutlet” and I soon realize that was totally not what I was expecting. If you’re now searching this, I’m sorry). So with this all going through your head, how are you going to make friends, let alone make sure that people actually like you?
Now, let’s say you’re still at aforementioned party and still thoroughly hating it. After you’re debacle of thinking of a “Never Have I Ever” statement, the next worse part comes. Answering the questions. Why do I want to admit to a bunch of random people I have just met about my (not-so) romantic endeavors or weird drunken fails? In all honestly, do they really care? I still have all ten fingers up so now everyone thinks I’m lame and haven’t done anything “cool” (not true! I just prefer staying in and watching movies on most occasions). Sorry, I don’t feel like participating in frequent drug use or threesomes. Sue me.
Let’s try a new hypothetical situation: you’re playing this game with some of your closest friends. Friends who know you’re deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secrets. And then the other half of the group you’re playing with consists of not so close friends. Your close friends’ strategy: try to get make your “Never Have I Ever” so specific to target one person. Now everyone knows the weirdest shit about you since you put a finger down for – wait, you thought I was going to confess something? Wrong! You can’t fool me!
Moral of the story: can we please stop playing this game? I would rather have nice and insightful conversations to learn about a person. Who needs all this added pressure and first-hand embarrassment?
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