“Just like a monkey I’ve been
dancing[writing essays] my whole lifeBut you just beg to see me
dance[submit to Canvas] just one more time.”
The Infinite Monkey Theorem, according to my close personal friends at Wikipedia, states: “a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare.” However, it’s also apparently true that the chances a monkey actually manages to type out Hamlet are so low, they’re practically zero.
But what if, I ask, the monkey is listening to the dulcet tones of the aptly named Australian singer-songwriter, Tones and I, in her 2019 smash hit, “Dance Monkey”????? What then?!
In my experience, magic.
To explain: two years ago, my older sister began listening to “Dance Monkey” on loop for hours whenever she worked on her thesis. “Why?” my family would ask her, concerned. “I didn’t know you liked that song???” She could provide no explanation, but insisted that it was the best writing inspiration she had found in years. We were incredulous; was my sister solely responsible for the millions of streams that made “Dance Monkey” Australia’s most successful single ever? Some sort of sorcery must have befallen her.
But then, dear reader, this fall, as the leaves were changing colors and the heat in Young O refused to turn on, I had to write a paper for my English class. I had no ideas. I was uninspired. It was due the next day and all I wanted to do was bake cookies and scroll on my phone. Desperate to write anything, I turned to the wisdom of my elders. I listened to “Dance Monkey”.
It. was. LIFE-CHANGING.
The ideas? They flowed. The words? They existed. The monkey? She danced. By the end of the night, my essay was definitely not Hamlet, but it sure was written. For every essay since, I have played the song on loop.
What IS it about “Dance Monkey” that, when listened to at alarming volumes for hours on end, inspires spontaneous academic writing? Is it the pulsing beat, urging you to type ever faster? The repetitive lyrics that drown out your distracting thoughts about what to get for dinner? The fact that you, the essayist, in a state of sleep-deprived late-semester symbiosis, become the monkey?
Alas, I know not. What I do know, though, is that those theoretical Wikipedia monkeys would be much more productive if they had Spotify Premium accounts. For your convenience as we find ourselves in, somehow, the third month of midterms, I’ve compiled a playlist of a similar vein I think may be inspirational:
- “Dance Monkey” (Of course.)
- The Mario Kart soundtrack. (MK walked so “Dance Monkey” could run.)
- The Kim Possible theme song. (Call me, beep me if you wanna reach me? Sorry, I’m too busy writing this essay.)
- American Idiot but *specifically* the Broadway Original Cast Album version. (You can channel their youth-fueled anger and the energy of their musical theater training into typing?? Idk, guys. This is another suggestion from my sis.)
- The sounds of your roommates having fun without you because they already finished all their assignments. (Saddening, but motivational.)
Go forth and write, my friends. I – and the infinitesimal chances of the universe – believe in you!